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23 November 2007

Since everyone seems too busy to post on this blog I've decided to take the time and post this list of usefull advice and tips on how optimise your habit for better learning. To some people reaching the goal to be a successfull person is on the top of their list, so what ever you define as "success" in your life, this list of tips and advice should help you reach your goal(s).

And with all that in mind, we should also consiter what Glenn said in some of his earlyer blogpost, "reading something and learning about it doesnt make you an expert on the subject... you have to take part in your studies and get involved in what ever you are trying to understand."




Health


  1. Shake a leg. Lack of blood flow is a common reason for lack of concentration. If you've been sitting in one place for awhile, bounce one of your legs for a minute or two. It gets your blood flowing and sharpens both concentration and recall.
  2. Food for thought: Eat breakfast. A lot of people skip breakfast, but creativity is often optimal in the early morning and it helps to have some protein in you to feed your brain. A lack of protein can actually cause headaches.
  3. Food for thought, part 2: Eat a light lunch. Heavy lunches have a tendency to make people drowsy. While you could turn this to your advantage by taking a "thinking nap" (see #23), most people haven't learned how.
  4. Cognitive enhancers: Ginkgo biloba. Ginkgo biloba is a natural supplement that has been used in China and other countries for centuries and has been reputed to reverse memory loss in rats. It's also suggested by some health practitioners as a nootrope and thus a memory enhancer.
  5. Reduce stress + depresssion. Stress and depression may reduce the ability to recall information and thus inhibit learning. Sometimes, all you need to reduce depression is more white light and fewer refined foods.


Balance


  1. Sleep on it. Dr. Maxwell Maltz wrote about in his book Psycho-Cybernetics about a man who was was paid good money to come up with ideas. He would lock his office door, close the blinds, turn off the lights. He'd focus on the problem at hand, then take a short nap on a couch. When he awoke, he usually had the problem solved.
  2. Take a break. Change phyical or mental perspective to lighten the invisible stress that can sometimes occur when you sit in one place too long, focused on learning. Taking a 5-15 minute break every hour during study sessions is more beneficial than non-stop study. It gives your mind time to relax and absorb information. If you want to get really serious with breaks, try a 20 minute ultradian break as part of every 90 minute cycle. This includes a nap break, which is for a different purpose than #23.
  3. Take a hike. Changing your perspective often relieves tension, thus freeing your creative mind. Taking a short walk around the neighborhood may help.
  4. Change your focus. Sometimes there simply isn't enough time to take a long break. If so, change subject focus. Alternate between technical and non-technical subjects.


Perspective and Focus


  1. Change your focus, part 2. There are three primary ways to learn: visual, kinesthetic, and auditory. If one isn't working for you, try another.
  2. Do walking meditation. If you're taking a hike (#25), go one step further and learn walking meditation as a way to tap into your inner resources and your strengthen your ability to focus. Just make sure you're not walking inadvertently into traffic.
  3. Focus and immerse yourself. Focus on whatever you're studying. Don't try to watch TV at the same time or worry yourself about other things. Anxiety does not make for absorption of information and ideas.
  4. Turn out the lights. This is a way to focus, if you are not into meditating. Sit in the dark, block out extraneous influences. This is ideal for learning kinesthetically, such as guitar chord changes.
  5. Take a bath or shower. Both activities loosen you up, making your mind more receptive to recognizing brilliant ideas.


Recall Techniques


  1. Listen to music. Researchers have long shown that certain types of music are a great "key" for recalling memories. Information learned while listening to a particular song or collection can often be recalled simply by "playing" the songs mentally.
  2. Speedread. Some people believe that speedreading causes you to miss vital information. The fact remains that efficient speedreading results in filtering out irrelevant information. If necessary, you can always read and re-read at slower speeds. Slow reading actually hinders the ability to absorb general ideas. (Although technical subjects often requirer slower reading.) If you're reading online, you can try the free Spreeder Web-based application.
  3. Use acronyms and other mnemonic devices. Mnemonics are essentially tricks for remembering information. Some tricks are so effective that proper application will let you recall loads of mundane information years later.


Visual Aids


  1. Every picture tells a story. Draw or sketch whatever it is you are trying to achieve. Having a concrete goal in mind helps you progress towards that goal.
  2. Brainmap it. Need to plan something? Brain maps, or mind maps, offer a compact way to get both an overview of a project as well as easily add details. With mind maps, you can see the relationships between disparate ideas and they can also act as a receptacle for a brainstorming session.
  3. Learn symbolism and semiotics. Semiotics is the study of signs and symbols. Having an understanding of the symbols of a particular discipline aids in learning, and also allows you to record information more efficiently.
  4. Use information design. When you record information that has an inherent structure, applying information design helps convey that information more clearly. A great resource is Information Aesthetics, which gives examples of information design and links to their sources.
  5. Use visual learning techniques. Try gliffy for structured diagrams. Also see Inspiration.com for an explanation of webs, idea maps, concept maps, and plots.
  6. Map your task flow. Learning often requires gaining knowledge in a specific sequence. Organizing your thoughts on what needs to be done is a powerful way to prepare yourself to complete tasks or learn new topics.


Verbal and Auditory Techniques


  1. Stimulate ideas. Play rhyming games, utter nonsense words. These loosen you up, making you more receptive to learning.
  2. Brainstorm. This is a time-honored technique that combines verbal activity, writing, and collaboration. (One person can brainstorm, but it's more effective in a group.) It's fruitful if you remember some simple rules: Firstly, don't shut anyone's idea out. Secondly, don't "edit" in progress; just record all ideas first, then dissect them later. Participating in brainstorming helps assess what you already know about something, and what you didn't know.
  3. Learn by osmosis. Got an iPod? Record a few of your own podcasts, upload them to your iPod and sleep on it. Literally. Put it under your pillow and playback language lessons or whatever.
  4. Cognitive enhancers: binaural beats. Binaural beats involve playing two close frequencies simultaneously to produce alpha, beta, delta, and theta waves, all of which produce either sleeping, restfulness, relaxation, meditativeness, alertness, or concentration. Binaural beats are used in conjunction with other excercises for a type of super-learning.
  5. Laugh. Laughing relaxes the body. A relaxed body is more receptive to new ideas.


Kinesthetic Techniques


  1. Write, don't type. While typing your notes into the computer is great for posterity, writing by hand stimulates ideas. The simple act of holding and using a pen or pencil massages acupuncture points in the hand, which in turn stimulates ideas.
  2. Carry a quality notebook at all times. Samuel Taylor Coleridge dreamed the words of the poem "In Xanadu (did Kubla Khan)...". Upon awakening, he wrote down what he could recall, but was distracted by a visitor and promptly forgot the rest of the poem. Forever. If you've been doing "walking meditation" or any kind of meditation or productive napping, ideas may suddenly come to you. Record them immediately.
  3. Keep a journal. This isn't exactly the same as a notebook. Journaling has to do with tracking experiences over time. If you add in visual details, charts, brainmaps, etc., you have a much more creative way to keep tabs on what you are learning.
  4. Organize. Use sticky colored tabs to divide up a notebook or journal. They are a great way to partition ideas for easy referral.
  5. Use post-it notes. Post-it notes provide a helpful way to record your thoughts about passages in books without defacing them with ink or pencil marks.


Self-Motivation Techniques


  1. Give yourself credit. Ideas are actually a dime a dozen. If you learn to focus your mind on what results you want to achieve, you'll recognize the good ideas. Your mind will become a filter for them, which will motivate you to learn more.
  2. Motivate yourself. Why do you want to learn something? What do want to achieve through learning? If you don't know why you want to learn, then distractions will be far more enticing.
  3. Set a goal. W. Clement Stone once said "Whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve." It's an amazing phenomenon in goal achievement. Prepare yourself by whatever means necessary, and hurdles will seem surmountable. Anyone who has experienced this phenomenon understands its validity.
  4. Think positive. There's no point in setting learning goals for yourself if you don't have any faith in your ability to learn.
  5. Organize, part 2. Learning is only one facet of the average adult's daily life. You need to organize your time and tasks else you might find it difficult to fit time in for learning. Try Neptune for a browser-based application for "getting things done."
  6. Every skill is learned. With the exception of bodily functions, every skill in life is learned. Generally speaking, if one person can learn something, so can you. It may take you more effort, but if you've set a believable goal, it's likely an achievable goal.
  7. Prepare yourself for learning. Thinking positive isn't sufficient for successfully achieving goals. This is especially important if you are an adult, as you'll probably have many distractions surrounding your daily life. Implement ways to reduce distractions, at least for a few hours at a time, else learning will become a frustrating experience.
  8. Prepare yourself, part 2. Human nature is such that not everyone in your life will be a well-wisher in your self-improvement and learning plans. They may intentionally or subconsciously distract you from your goal. If you have classes to attend after work, make sure that work colleagues know this, that you are unable to work late. Diplomacy works best if you think your boss is intentionally giving you work on the days he/she knows you have to leave. Reschedule lectures to a later time slot if possible/ necessary.
  9. Constrain yourself. Most people need structure in their lives. Freedom is sometimes a scary thing. It's like chaos. But even chaos has order within. By constraining yourself — say giving yourself deadlines, limiting your time on an idea in some manner, or limiting the tools you are working with — you can often accomplish more in less time.


Supplemental Techniques


  1. Read as much as you can. How much more obvious can it get? Use Spreeder (#33) if you have to. Get a breadth of topics as well as depth.
  2. Cross-pollinate your interests. Neurons that connect to existing neurons give you new perspectives and abilities to use additional knowledge in new ways.
  3. Learn another language. New perspectives give you the ability to cross-pollinate cultural concepts and come up with new ideas. As well, sometimes reading a book in its original language will provide you with insights lost in translation.
  4. Learn how to learn. Management Help has a resource page, as does SIAST (Virtual Campus), which links to articles about learning methods. They are geared towards online learning, but no doubt you gain something from them for any type of learning. If you are serious about optimum learning, read Headrush's Crash course in learning theory.
  5. Learn what you know and what you don't. Many people might say, "I'm dumb," or "I don't know anything about that." The fact is, many people are wholly unaware of what they already know about a topic. If you want to learn about a topic, you need to determine what you already know, figure out what you don't know, and then learn the latter.
  6. Multi-task through background processes. Effective multi-tasking allows you to bootstrap limited time to accomplish several tasks. Learning can be bootstrapped through multi-tasking, too. By effective multitasking, I don't mean doing two or more things at exactly the same time. It's not possible. However, you can achieve the semblance of effective multitasking with the right approach, and by prepping your mind for it. For example, a successful freelance writer learns to manage several articles at the same time. Research the first essay, and then let the background processes of your mind takeover. Move on consciously to the second essay. While researching the second essay, the first one will often "write itself." Be prepared to record it when it "appears" to you.
  7. Think holistically. Holistic thinking might be the single most "advanced" learning technique that would help students. But it's a mindset rather than a single technique.
  8. Use the right type of repetition. Complex concepts often require revisting in order to be fully absorbed. Sometimes, for some people, it may actually take months or years. Repetition of concepts and theory with various concrete examples improves absorption and speeds up learning.
  9. Apply the Quantum Learning (QL) model. The Quantum Learning model is being applied in some US schools and goes beyond typical education methods to engage students.
  10. Get necessary tools. There are obviously all kinds of tools for learning. If you are learning online like a growing number of people these days, then consider your online tools. One of the best tools for online research is the Firefox web browser, which has loads of extensions (add-ons) with all manner of useful features. One is Googlepedia, which simultaneously displays Google search engine listings, when you search for a term, with related entries from Wikipedia.
  11. Get necessary tools, part 2. This is a very niche tip, but if you want to learn fast-track methods for building software, read Getting Real from 37 Signals. The Web page version is free. The techniques in the book have been used to create Basecamp, Campfire, and Backpack web applications in a short time frame. Each of these applications support collaboration and organization.
  12. Learn critical thinking. As Keegan-Michael Key's character on MadTV might say, critical thinking takes analysis to "a whole notha level". Read Wikipedia's discourse on critical thinking as a starting point. It involves good analytical skills to aid the ability to learn selectively.
  13. Learn complex problem solving. For most people, life is a series of problems to be solved. Learning is part of the process. If you have a complex problem, you need to learn the art of complex problem solving. [The latter page has some incredible visual information.]


For Teachers, Tutors, and Parents


  1. Be engaging. Lectures are one-sided and often counter-productive. Information merely heard or witnessed (from a chalkboard for instance) is often forgotten. Teaching is not simply talking. Talking isn't enough. Ask students questions, present scenarios, engage them.
  2. Use information pyramids. Learning happens in layers. Build base knowledge upon which you can add advanced concepts.
  3. Use video games. Video games get a bad rap because of certain violent games. But video games in general can often be an effective aid to learning.
  4. Role play. Younger people often learn better by being part of a learning experience. For example, history is easier to absorb through reenactments.
  5. Apply the 80/20 rule. This rule is often interpreted in dfferent ways. In this case, the 80/20 rule means that some concepts, say about 20% of a curriculum, require more effort and time, say about 80%, than others. So be prepared to expand on complex topics.
  6. Tell stories. Venus Flytrap, a character from the sitcom WKRP in Cincinnati, once taught a student gang member about atoms, electrons, and protons by saying that an atom was one big neighborhood, and the protons and neutrons had their own smaller neighborhoods and never mixed. Just like rival gangs. The story worked, and understanding sparked in the students eyes.
  7. Go beyond the public school curriculum. The public school system is woefully lacking in teaching advanced learning and brainstorming methods. It's not that the methods cannot be taught; they just aren't. To learn more, you have to pay a premium in additional time and effort, and sometimes money for commercially available learning tools. There's nothing wrong with that in itself, but what is taught in schools needs to be expanded. This article's author has proven that a nine-year old can learn (some) university level math, if the learning is approached correctly.
  8. Use applied learning. If a high school student were having trouble in math, say with fractions, one example of applied learning might be photography, lenses, f-stops, etc. Another example is cooking and measurement of ingredients. Tailor the applied learning to the interest of the student.


For Students and Self-Studiers


  1. Be engaged. Surprise. Sometimes students are bored because they know more than is being taught, maybe even more than a teacher. (Hopefully teachers will assess what each student already knows.) Students should discuss with a teacher if they feel that the material being covered is not challenging. Also consider asking for additional materials.
  2. Teach yourself. Teachers cannot always change their curricula. If you're not being challenged, challenge yourself. Some countries still apply country-wide exams for all students. If your lecturer didn't cover a topic, you should learn it on your own. Don't wait for someone to teach you. Lectures are most effective when you've pre-introduced yourself to concepts.
  3. Collaborate. If studying by yourself isn't working, maybe a study group will help.
  4. Do unto others: teach something. The best way to learn something better is to teach it to someone else. It forces you to learn, if you are motivated enough to share your knowledge.
  5. Write about it. An effective way to "teach" something is to create an FAQ or a wiki containing everything you know about a topic. Or blog about the topic. Doing so helps you to realize what you know and more importantly what you don't. You don't even have to spend money if you grab a freebie account with Typepad, Wordpress, or Blogger.
  6. Learn by experience. Pretty obvious, right? It means put in the necessary time. An expert is often defined as someone who has put in 10,000 hours into some experience or endeavor. That's approximately 5 years of 40 hours per week, every week. Are you an expert without realizing it? If you're not, do you have the dedication to be an expert?
  7. Quiz yourself. Testing what you've learned will reinforce the information. Flash cards are one of the best ways, and are not just for kids.
  8. Learn the right things first. Learn the basics. Case in point: a frustrating way to learn a new language is to learn grammar and spelling and sentence constructs first. This is not the way a baby learns a language, and there's no reason why an adult or young adult has to start differently, despite "expert" opinion. Try for yourself and see the difference.
  9. Plan your learning. If you have a long-term plan to learn something, then to quote Led Zeppelin, "There are two paths you can go by." You can take a haphazard approach to learning, or you can put in a bit of planning and find an optimum path. Plan your time and balance your learning and living.


Parting Advice


  1. Persist. Don't give up learning in the face of intimdating tasks. Anything one human being can learn, most others can as well. Wasn't it Einstein that said, "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration"? Thomas Edison said it, too.
  2. Defy the experts. Dyslexia, in a nutshell, is the affliction of mentally jumbling letters and digits, causing difficulties in reading, writing and thus learning. Sometimes spoken words or numbers get mixed up as well. In the past, "experts" declared dyslexic children stupid. Later, they said they were incapable of learning. This author has interacted with and taught dyslexic teens. It's possible. Helen Keller had no experience of sight, sound, or speech, and yet she learned. Conclusion: There is more than one way to learn; never believe you cannot.
  3. Challenge yourself. People are often more intelligent than they realize. In a world that compartmentalizes and categorizes everything, not everyone is sure where they fit in. And genius can be found in many walks of life. If you honestly suspect that there's more to you than has been "allowed" to be let out, try an IQ test such as the one offered by MENSA. It's unlike the standardized IQ tests given in many schools. You know the kind — the ones which traumatize many young students into thinking they are stupid, simply because the tests don't really assess all student's knowledge and learning ability. And the ability to learn is far, far more important than what you already know.
  4. Party before an exam. Well, don't go that far. The key is to relax. The worse thing to do is cram the night before an exam. If you don't already know a subject by then, cramming isn't going to help. If you have studied, simply review the topic, then go do something pleasant (no more studying). Doing so tells your brain that you are prepared and that you will be able to recall anything that you have already learned. On the other hand, if you didn't spend the semester learning the ideas you need, you might as well go party anyways because cramming at the last minute isn't going to help much at that point.
  5. Don't worry; learn happy. Have a real passion for learning and want to share that? Join a group such as the Joyful Jubilant Learning community [via LifeHack].


Sources For This Article


This is only a partial list of sources, focusing only on Web sites. Many of the ideas presented above come from long years of experience, with information gleaned from dozens of books and tapes on learning and, more recently, Web sites. The Web sites below either present original articles related to the ideas above, or summaries of ideas with links to other Web sites. In the latter case, such Web sites have likely been linked above. Book sources have either been long forgotten or mentioned above.






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21 October 2007

In life it is likely you will experience many setbacks. There will be times when everything seems to go wrong, and you feel like just giving up. These are the times you will feel at your lowest point, lacking self confidence and self esteem. However adversity does not have to be this way. The truth is, everyone experiences temporary setbacks in life, but it is how you deal with those moments that ultimately define who you are, and how they affect you.


Persisting In The Face Of Adversity

Every man or woman who has achieved great things have all experienced setbacks and times when everything seemed lost, but their ability to persist in the face of those adversities saw them through and made them who they were.


In my experience I have found many times over, that every time I felt like giving in, but kept going anyway, I soon succeeded in whatever I was trying to do. It was like the universe was testing me to see if I really wanted it.


Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

I think one of the most important lessons I have learnt in life is to try and see the good in every situation and stay positive.


Of course I would prefer if bad things didn’t happen to me, but when they do, I try and learn from them and use those experiences to make me a stronger person.


It’s often said that people succeed through failure, and its true. The more you fail in life the more you will learn and the quicker you will succeed. However you will only succeed if you persist through the hard times, and keep going no matter what happens.


Never Give Up

Life is full of surprises, and despite our best efforts we will all have to experience adversities at some point. However often within these adversities lie valuable and important lessons from which we can learn and use to make us a better and stronger person.You should therefore decide in advance to never ever give up, no matter what happens to you. Then let each setback motivate you forward to greater achievement, rather than letting it pull you back and prevent you from reaching your true potential. If you are able to do this, and persist no matter what happens, in the end there will be nothing that can stop you.



Original: http://www.eruptingmind.com/importance-of-persistence/

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20 October 2007
This is my short little summary of Cherie's "10 Rules for bieng Human". Cherie Carter-Scott PhD is a very modern guru. Her theories explain our attitudes and behaviour with a special clarity, and provide a practical guide to behaviour and self development. Dr. Carter-Scott achieved her PhD in human and organisational development and for the nearly 30 years has been an international lecturer, consultant and author.

Carter-Scott's book 'If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules' is essential reading if you are interested in behaviour, relationships, communications, and human personality. Cherie Carter-Scott's rules for life - also known as 'The Ten Rules For Being Human' and referenced in her book with Jack Canfield: 'Chicken Soup For The Soul' - are a map for understanding and pursuing personal development, and for helping others to understand and develop too. 'If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules' is also commonly referenced book in the life-coaching industry.

Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.

Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.


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[Originating Article]

18 October 2007

IQ and intelligence increasing is one of those topics where most people think they don't have a choice. People say intelligence is genetic, that you can't increase it, that it's all to do with education etc. But i say this to you now:


Society is full of lies.


And these lies which people say have limited the true potential and GENIUS that lies within us. Just think for a moment, the geek in high school with the straight A's and the medicine degree, what did he do to deserve his intelligence?


And think similarly too about the poor guy who worked and worked hard, only to end up with CCD grades and a life where "intelligence" and "analysis" isn't his strength.....what did he do to deserve that?


You see, your intelligence will and can increase if you first believe that you can. Then you need to intend that you will act to increase your intelligence. And then it will increase. I want to teach you a quick method to increase your IQ. Act and use this method because it works! I want to start explaining this technique by asking you a question that in turn reveals a great secret about increasing your intelligence.


The question is:


What do you think is the typical human concentration span? 10 minutes? 20 minutes? 40 minutes? 2 hours?


The answer will gobsmack you. The answer actually is 7 seconds! 7 seconds i hear you say! Yep, you read that right! Our average concentration span is actually only about 7 seconds. (range is between 4-11 since it depends on your intelligence level)


Scary huh? It might seem hard to believe but prove it to yourself right now so you know I'm telling the truth:



  1. Look at a fine and distinct quality of an object (eg the colour, the edge, the shape)

  2. Place your concentration on the object

  3. Notice how your concentration on that quality wavers to another quality of the object, within seconds.


You see, you might be able to focus your attention on a task for 40 minutes+, but you cannot focus your concentration on a particular quality for more than a few seconds. Your concentration ability is the most fundamental "tool" which you have for all intellectual endeavours And here lies a secret to increasing your intelligence.


Since your concentration span is so tiny, if you can find a technique to increase your concentration span, by even a second, it will lead to a huge increase in concentration ability overall. And this technique is what im about to reveal to you.


TECHNIQUE: PSEUDO TELEKINESIS (AVERAGE IQ GAIN= 5-15 POINTS)



  1. Obtain a coin and place it in front of you

  2. Make sure you are in a comfortable sitting place and in a location in which you will not be disturbed

  3. Look at the coin from a distance of 30 to 40cm away and concentrate your full attention on the look of the coin. Try and concentrate on its shape more than its particular features. Do not touch the coin

  4. Place your thoughts on the side-edge of the coin and try and force all your thoughts to be concentrated on that edge. By thoughts, i am NOT talking about images or words in your mind, just simply the force of your concentration on the coin.

  5. You should imagine that the thoughts which you are exerting act as the force to make the coin move. Mentally push with your thoughts towards the edge of the coin. If the coin moves, replace it with a non-metallic object as your emphasis here is not real telekinesis

  6. You must maintain as much as possible, your concentration on the shape of the coin by looking directly at it, but also by attempting to force your thoughts onto its edge.

  7. If you are performing the technique correctly, you will become unaware of your surroundings. If you become distracted (which you will at first), turn your attention back to the coin and doggedly attempt to maintain it.

  8. You can repeat for any object of your choice, but a small metal object is desirable since this attracts the brainwaves towards the focal point you are concentrating on, thus allowing them to become more precise.


Other Effects of This Technique


  1. Increased listening ability

  2. Increased mathematical ability

  3. Ability to sustain more complex arguments

  4. Increased ability to extract relevant information from sources

  5. Increased ease of memorisation


You should easily get an extra 5-15 IQ points on your existing IQ score using this technique. Practice for 6 days out of 7.

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Have you ever been miserable? Did you know why you were miserable? Misery is caused by lazy people. Lazy people are people who have to depend on others to survive. I am not talking about children, elderly or handicapped people, but fully functional humans who through lack of desire cause misery.

There are inseparable links that exist between productivity and happiness. The links between work and prosperity are obvious, yet too many people live without their earned pleasure. The deprivation of happiness is an unnecessary tragedy due to the altruistic guilt induced into the value producing individual.

Pleasure and happiness depend on psychological health, which in turn depend on productive work. Without productive work, the production of values, psychological health is impossible. Production of competitive values is the integrating growth dynamic for conscious individuals. Production of values provides freedom, prosperity, pleasure and abiding happiness. Moreover; happiness and pleasure act as the motivators for an individual to produce values and to increase ones productivity.

On the other hand, non-productive and destructive people fear and hate productive people. They resent being reminded of what they could be if they only applied themselves. So, rather than become productive individuals they would rather destroy what others have earned. This is called envy, and is a direct result of laziness. The meaning of laziness is the abdication of self responsibility. The mechanism of laziness is the yielding to actions of least effort. This results in incompetence and lost potential. Conscious beings cannot live, prosper, or be happy through actions of the least effort. This loss then forces the lazy person into having to attack the value producer in order to survive.

The attacks come subtly, by the envier creating half truths and propaganda about all people being equal and so those who have should give to the have not’s. By forcing the value producing members of society to surrender their earned values to those who won’t earn them, the lazy propagate a myth and thus make a living from the efforts of others. For those who wont surrender their value for the greater good, physical force is then used where psychological trickery failed. This is one of the main causes of misery in this world, and it is a root source of all that holds back the human race.

The lazy person has to create their own illusion of self worth by continually usurping the values created and earned by others. They take or destroy the values, rights and property of the productive person. Then to continue their illusion of pseudo self worth they have to continue to attack the productive people. These fake illusions then allow them to live off the efforts of the productive value producers. The misery comes when they realize, even subconsciously, that they are dependent on others for survival, and so are unable to earn self esteem.

Without self esteem people are unable to earn and achieve prosperity, pleasure, love, or happiness. Also not having any earned values means they hold no genuine power. Without this power they have to resort to force to fill the void of powerlessness. Ultimately these actions, created by trying to take the least action, cause misery to all the people concerned or affected by the lazy person.

Laziness is a social ill, one that can easily be “cured” just by the realization that it exists. A person must stop being lazy by recognizing the simple fact; that productivity is the building block for prosperity, and lasting happiness.

There are all sorts of scientific principles that point to the evidence that once a body is in motion it tends to remain in motion, and that an action was needed to start that body in motion. We won’t get in to a long discourse here as you should have learned it in the 8th grade. What we need to make the point on is this: You must take action, not the course of least action, but the most productive action you can.

Having a dream, goals and taking the action needed to realize them will bring you a happy and prosperous life. Failure to act, even the default of not having any desire beyond immediate physical needs, will result in misery. Not just your misery but it will cause misery to all those around you.

So find out your dream, and work to make it reality.


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17 October 2007
Now that you know how to approach a girl lets talk to one. This question normally tends to puzzle most guys. What to talk about, what topics to use, how to behave, the right language and so on. There are several aspects which should be kept in mind before talking to girls. Girls tend to evaluate guys based on several aspects of their personality and talking is one of the most essential of them all.
Learn to start right- Girls are used to that old standard hi or hello; Girls expect better talks from guys now. Most guys get the wrong opening statement or line and this is the main reason why they are not effective in talking to girls. Always open up with something extraordinary which would catch her attention. Girls would never continue talking to you unless they feel there is something distinct about you or your personality so try shaking the girls hands when you initially meet up. Not a lot of guys do that these days and shaking a girls hands really says a lot about your maturity.


Keep it small- Some guys tend to talk forever which normally leads to turning most girls off. The more you talk to her the more information she would gather about your personality and that aspect of mystery would die. Girls like to talk to guys who are mysterious enough and are worth talking to. The more you talk the more information you are spitting out about yourself which makes you an open book. Therefore learn to keep your talks small and remember silence is golden sometimes.


Awkward silence- Sometimes talks with girls tend to get into an awkward silence where both parties do not know what to talk about. This is the worst situation you can ever be in with girls. The moment this starts happening in your talks most girls would most probably put you in the boring talker category and she would never think of you the same way.


Finish early- It's always good to make an early exit when talking to girls. Even when you feel the talks are extremely interesting and amusing. Girls only want more from guys when they feel you have something distinct and interesting about yourself. Making an early exit from a very interesting talk tends to leave girls wanting more from you thereby creating more attraction.

Related Links

Improving your conversation skills
Breaking the Ice
Getting over your shyness



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15 October 2007
You've got a problem. There's this girl you absolutely adore - great hair, great laugh, amazing personality, really pretty face - but she's always dated the more 'adept' guys. So how do you get her to like you?

The first thing you need to realize is that the things women find attractive about men, are NOT the same things that men find attractive about women. Men, as you know, are very 'visual' beings - it's usually how a girl looks that sets our pulses racing (amongst other things...)

Women, on the other hand, find men attractive because of their personalities. How many surveys have you seen where women place 'sense of humour' as their number one priority when finding a mate? Quite a few I'd bet. A woman's ideal man is an alpha male that is confident and can take the lead, both in life and with her.

"So how do I get her to like me?" you say, "I'm no alpha male." Well, maybe not yet, but you can learn. Like all the good things in life worth learning, it will take effort and time on your part but, I guarantee, it will definitely be worth it.

Here's a tip for getting a girl to like you - Nonchalence.

You need to display non-attachment to whether the girl likes you or not. Great if she does like you, but if not, there are tons of other fish in the sea. Sure, you may not actually feel like that, but that is the 'act' you have got to convincingly sell. You must place a high value on yourself and never come from a position of neediness.

Make friends and hang out with as many women as you can to help eliminate neediness and also date as many women as you can, instead of restricting yourself to that "one special girl". It's a known fact that when a girl sees that other women are attracted to a guy then she will also feel attraction. In psychological circles this is known as the 'social proof' effect. It happens in both men and women, but it's much more powerful in the female of the species.

Of course, this is only one tip on how you get a girl to like you, but it is a very useful one to understand and will go a long way to helping you get that all important first date with the girl you want.

How you should Approach a girl:


You have had the hots for this particular girl for ages, but if you go up to her, you're not quite sure where to go from there. There are a few things you must learn to improve your technique for approaching women, but the single most important one is that of eye contact.

You've seen a girl you like and decide to approach her. The first thing you must do is talk to her. I'm not suggesting this needs to be anything profound. Just simple "Hi. How are you?" will suffice as an opener. Women like conversation. The next thing is eye contact. Now, I don't mean a quick glance for one second and then start staring at the floor whilst shuffling your shoes and looking all bashful. That my friend, is not eye contact.

Women love the eyes. They are the portals to your sole, and the first indication that a women gets of a male's desire for her. You would be surprised at how little people maintain 'proper' eye contact these days, so when you do it will have a marked impact on her, and also on how she now sees you. Eye contact is very important. There is nothing complicated about it, but do not stop once you've started (obviously don't stop blinking otherwise you've now entered a staring competition and that will COMPLETELY freak her out!)

Look into her eyes. Notice the colour. Pay attention to the size of her pupils. If they are dilated (large) then she likes you. This is a reflex action on her part, letting in more light and therefore more of you! By keeping eye contact you can see (no pun intended...) that not only are you impressing upon her your desire to be with her and talk to her, but you are also getting vital clues on how she feels about you.

So, now you know part of the technique of how to approach girls. Check my other articles for advice on what to do after the approach, and when you are on your first date.

What us girls look for in a man:


There's no magical formula or 'mystery method' to improving your chances of attracting women, despite what you might read. There are a number of things you can do to dramatically improve your chances of pulling women you never thought possible.


  • Have a Sense of Humour

    I guarantee that every survey you read about what women want from a man, will have 'sense of humour' somewhere in the top 3. Don't imagine that women want the same things as you want from a woman. Having a good sense of humour is very important. Making a woman laugh or smile will release those "feel good chemicals" and she'll start to get hooked!

  • Be Thoughtful without becoming just another friend

    Don't ask me why, but most women like a guy with a bit of an edge to him. You've seen the movies. The guy who does everything for the girl always ends up becoming the "best friend". It's a fine line to tread, and I'm not saying don't hold doors open, but just be aware of what you're doing. If she begins, "You know Jim, I really like hanging out with you and having a laugh" you've gone too far into the friend zone. Retreat if you can.

  • Learn the art of conversation

    Girls like to be looked at, as it makes them feel attractive and wanted. However, if all you do is gawp at your date from across the other side of the table it won't be long before she's leaving, or worse! How do you entertain with you conversation? Get yourself something to talk about. This weekend, don't spend it surfing the net or watching TV, go and do something interesting. Now, it doesn't have to be hot air ballooning or paragliding (although these are great if you have the chance), but it might be taking in a show for example. Even better if you can find out what interests your prospective date has, and get some experiences in something she will enjoy talking about.




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14 October 2007
If you have memory problems, you might not be using your brain in the right way. The solution? Learn the trick that memory performers use.

These performers amaze us with all sorts of memory feats, such as magically remembering the exact order of the 52 cards in a deck (or even several decks!). You might assume these people have photographic memories, but you would be wrong. Most of them only have average memories.

Instead, memory performers use a technique that I will call “Visualization and Association” (V&A). This is a fun memory trick that anyone who wants to have a great memory can learn. If you have trouble remembering your school work, or facts related to your job, or current events, or people’s names, or any other type of information, the solution is to learn V&A and make it a personal habit you use every day.

Even if you only have an average memory – or even a bad memory – you can still use V&A to memorize things easily and well. Small children have been taught this technique, so anyone can learn it.

Why This Technique Works

Most people remember images better than verbal or written information. For example... I may be able to easily imagine the different homes I have lived in during my life, even though I might have a hard time remembering all the addresses and phone numbers.

Images are concrete, while raw information is often abstract. With the V&A technique, you convert the abstract information into easy-to-remember mental pictures.

Before I explain how to do the V&A memory technique, let me explain why it works. I have already mentioned that images are easier to remember. But it goes beyond that. Other important aspects of memory that V&A takes advantage of are concentration and repetition.

If you can’t focus, you won’t remember what you are trying to learn. The V&A process forces you to focus. Why? Because you are actively using the material. To change facts into mental images, you must focus - you have no choice. Creating mental images is a powerful way to focus the mind.

In addition, exposing yourself to the material over and over while creating images is repetition. If someone you meet tells you their name one time, you might or might not remember their name. But if they remind you during the conversation what their name is, you will remember their name more easily because you heard it more than once. (Most people we meet don’t help us out like that, though!) When creating your mental images, you naturally “repeat” the details until you get each image clear in your mind.

So the V&A technique boosts your memory for three reasons:

- Images are easier to remember than facts

- Creating images forces you to focus

- Reviewing your images is repetition that helps memory

By the way, V&A is not time consuming – it saves time. Creating mental images does take a few moments. But if you practice a little each day, you will get very fast. Think about this: how much time have you wasted repeating something over and over in the hope of remembering it, and then you forget it anyway? Use the V&A memory trick, and you will remember the information very well the first time. And it will stick.

How to Do It

So, how do you use the V&A memory technique? Let me explain using an example. This example is from science, but V&A is so basic it can be used to remember just about anything.

Let’s suppose your biochemistry teacher asks you to memorize the most common “nucleotides”, chemicals that are part of everyone’s DNA.

The teacher tells you there are five types of nucleotides: adenine, guanine, cytosine, uracil, and thymine.

Now, how can you remember this information for the exam? If you simply repeat the names of the nucleotides over and over, you might forget one or more of them in a short time.

The V&A trick is to create mental images and associate the images together in your head. Here are the steps for using the V&A technique:


  1. Think of easy words or phrases that sound like the hard words.

    Examples:

    nucleotide = “nuclear tide”

    adenine = “add a knee”

    guanine = “gong knee”

    cytosine = “sight a stream”

    uracil = “you’re a sill”

    thymine = “thigh meat”

    The easy words don’t have to sound exactly like the hard words. The easy words act as a reminder. You will automatically remember the hard words if you recall the easy ones. Trust me on this.

  2. Now, think of a simple mental image for each easy word. Silly images are fine. Actually they are better, because silly things are easier to remember.

    Try to see each image vividly in your mind.

    Examples:

    nuclear tide = nuclear bomb mushroom cloud exploding in ocean waves (not silly)

    add a knee = adding a knee to one of your legs, so that you have three knees (silly)

    gong knee = hit your knee, it sounds like a metal gong (musical instrument)

    sight a stream = a stream flowing in the distance

    you’re a sill = you are lying sideways under a big window – you are the window sill

    thigh meat = fried chicken, thigh piece

  3. Now, associate the mental images to each other, in order.

    Again, make sure to imagine the mental pictures clearly. Imagine the colors, shapes, sounds, and movement in your images. This will help the pictures stick in your mind.

    nuclear tide -> add a knee: connect the “tide” in your nuclear tide image with the three knees image. Perhaps imagine yourself with three knees trying to wade through the tide at the beach.

    add a knee -> gong knee = the word “knee” already connects these two. So, the image of you wading three-kneed through the tide could make you think of hitting your knee making it sound like a gong.

    gong knee -> sight a stream = you’ve already used “knee” in two images. To prevent confusion, tie the “gong” to the sight a stream image. Your image of hitting your knee like a gong could make you think of you seeing a distant stream with hundreds of gongs floating down river.

    sight a stream -> you’re a sill = now, tie “stream” to your sill image. As a separate image, imagine yourself as a window sill, and a stream is flowing through the window getting you all wet.

    you're a sill -> thigh meat = now, create a separate image associating “sill” with a fried chicken thigh. Perhaps imagine someone closing a window onto a box of fried chicken. It makes a greasy mess, and one of the chicken thighs gets smushed on the sill.

  4. That’s it. Now, review it. The teacher asks you to name the five nucleotides that make up DNA. See if you can do it by recalling the images in your mind. Start with your image of “nuclear tide”.

    Let’s walk through it. The teacher says “nucleotide” or you see the word written on the test, and immediately your image of a mushroom cloud in the ocean tide (nuclear tide) comes to mind. Next, “tide” should remind you of your three-kneed self wading through the tide. You have an extra knee (“add a knee”), so the first nucleotide is adenine.

    The three knees image makes you think of your “gong knee” image, so the second nucleotide is guanine. The gong knee reminds you of all the gongs floating down a distant stream in your sight (“sight a stream”), so the third nucleotide is cytosine.

    Next, the stream reminds you of the window that a stream is flowing through, with you as the window sill (“you’re a sill”), so the next nucleotide is uracil. Finally, the window sill reminds you of a window closing on a box of fried chicken, with the fried chicken thigh (“thigh meat”) getting smashed – thymine.

    It’s true, it took me a few moments to type this description of what you are seeing in your mind. But the mental process is actually very fast. The images literally flash one after the other in your mind’s eye, and you instantly know the answer.

Some scientists believe we never forget anything. Nine times out of ten, the reason we can’t remember is that we can’t find the information in our brains. It’s there, we just can’t get to it. We have not made it a habit to create the mental hooks – the images – that we need to grab and pull out the information.

That’s what I meant at the beginning about not using your brain in the right way. If you practice the V&A memory technique, you will get very good at creating the mental hooks for anything that you want to remember.

At first, it may seem like an artificial way to remember something. But remember, Visualization & Association is what the memory performers use – and it works. It’s actually a lot of fun, once you get the hang of it. It really taps into your creativity.




Article Written by: Jobes, Douglas

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Myth: Drink coffee for an energized pick me up

Truth: In truth, coffee puts your body in a stressful state. The stress produces an alertness from a chemical reaction, which is often mistaken for “energy.” Don’t get caught up in the coffee junkie jive!

Have you heard?

There is a product on the market called Bawls. It’s a high caffeine soft drink that many college kids are using to stay awake for extended periods of time to study for tests and do homework. And guess what? One 16 oz. bottle is the equivalent of 100 mg or 9 cups of coffee. Just so you’ll know, that is way over the the USDA daily dosage intake amount.

Find out more about the product BAWLS [Google it] so you can keep you and your kids away from it.


Four Ways Caffeine Limits You

1. Interferes with sleep

2. Elevates hormone levels

3. Dehydrates body, which, over time, effects how quickly you’ll age

4. Impairs digestion and regular bowel movements

10 Good Reasons To Kick The Habit

You want to:

1. lower blood pressure

2. reduce stress

3. get rid of heartburn

4. eliminate migraines

5. sleep better at night

6. increase your iron

7. reverse bone loss (osteoporosis)

8. prevent enlarging your prostrate glands

9. avoid pregnancy and childbirth complications

10. be free from anxiety and anxiety attacks

Here’s my strategy to get clean. We suggest you try reducing your coffee intake and increase your herbal coffee intake. There is no caffeine in herbal. It’s rich in natural ingredients like chicory root, dates, almonds, figs, and roasted carob.

When you get rid of the caffeine, your body may exhibit these symptoms:

• low energy

• fatigue

• constipation

• fuzzy thinking

This article is about kicking the habit without pain. So, here’s how to do so with grace and ease:

* To combat fuzzy thinking, supplement with Gingko biloba.

* To alleviate low energy, take a B 100 vitamin supplement.

* For constipation, licorice or a flax seed/selenium laxative works miracles.

For a multi-prong approach for all the above, exercise and take St. John’s Wart.

I encourage you to stick it out until you get back to your lively self. Take this wisdom challenge…try kicking for the habit for at least 30 days, if you don’t like your healthier less stressed life, then by all means go back to drinking coffee.



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12 October 2007
Ever wonder why some people are so productive all of the time while other people never accomplish anything? Most of us assume it is because of intelligence, wealth, family, friends, luck, or education. Those are not correct. The key of productivity is about having goals, making plans, and having diligence. And the only way to achieve any of these productivity methods is by having effective habits. So, here are a few tips on how to be more productive.

GOALS: Have goals in life. Always strive to accomplish something.

ORGANIZE: Create a plan for each goal. Itemize each plan with a list of tasks.

PRIORITIZE: Determine the importance of each goal and each task, include when each task needs to be completed and in what order. Also consider which tasks are not really important and can be removed.

SCHEDULE: For each plan, create a schedule with when each task should start and finish. This means doing the first task first, the second task second, etc. Managing time is extremely critical, since it is the biggest productivity obstacle.

BE FLEXIBLE: Be prepared to re-prioritize and re-schedule each task on a moment’s notice. A previously less important task can suddenly become more important. Know when to stop working on a task, even though the task may not be finished. Don’t get upset or mull changes for too long. Being flexible is personally very hard for me.

BE PROACTIVE: Take responsibility and seize control of each task. Actively start working on each task according to the schedule. Proactively seek out solutions to problems. Being reactive slows down productivity, so find and resolve issues before they are major problems.

ASSISTANCE: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Delegate when possible.

GOAL ORIENTED: Begin, throughout, and end each task with the goal in mind. Be open to discoveries during a task that may affect other tasks, the entire plan, or a goal. See Tip #5.

COMMITMENTS: Make and keep commitments, especially to ourselves.

UNDERSTANDING: We seldom reach our goals alone, so we must understand the goals and desires of other people in order to achieve personal goals. So, empathically listen to others, think about what they say, and finally discuss tasks and issues to truly understand any potential obstacles that could affect productivity. Not having a clear understanding with other people is personally one of my biggest time wasters.

SYNERGY: When dealing with other people, cooperate to build on each individual’s strengths and compliment each other’s weaknesses.

WIN/WIN: We live in a very symbiotic world, so help find solutions that will appease everyone. Remember that success spreads even indirectly. So when someone else succeeds, we all succeed.

RELAX: Being productive all of time is impossible. Being productive most of the time is very exhausting, so relax and reduce daily stress. We all physical and mental needs that are essential for peak performance. Read this article for ideas on reducing stress.

I really do not expect anyone to follow all thirteen of these suggestions, but just adding a few of these tips will increase anyone’s effectiveness and productivity. And once these tips become habits, building productivity momentum will become second nature.

Good luck!

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15 August 2007
Why do we need deadlines when we’re setting goals? How important are they and what do we need to know about them? Here are five key tips to help you get deadlines into perspective.

Tip #1. Every major goal needs a deadline. Why? Because if you don’t know when you need to get to your goal, then how do you know how long to spend on each step? A time plan is just as important as an action plan.

Tip #2. Every step along the way needs its own deadline. If you are breaking your major goals down into chunks, or action steps; and you should be; then each one of those steps needs its own time limit, so that you know exactly how long to spend on it.

Tip #3. Deadlines must be realistic. Goal setters tend to fall into two types; stretchers and plodders. The stretchers are the ones constantly pushing themselves to do better, do more, go faster. Stretchers tend to set very tight deadlines that put them under pressure. This gives them satisfaction because they are always competing against themselves.

Plodders take the slow and steady approach and set long deadlines that they know they can hit. They don’t thrive on pressure; they would rather be sure of success.

Whichever type you are all you need to do is make sure that your deadline takes into account your abilities, your available time and all the other things you need to do in your life. Don’t aim to write your novel by the end of the week, if you have to spend 12 hours a day looking after your young children. Be realistic.

Tip #4. Be tough on your small deadlines, but more flexible on your big ones. In many ways, hitting the time targets on your individual action steps is more important than hitting the deadline on your major goal. Here’s why.

If you are too laid back about getting each action done, you start to get laid back about the whole plan and before you know it, you’ll be making excuses, getting distracted and watching your great dream fade into the distance. If you allow every action step to overrun, then the final deadline will be massively extended and might never happen.

Push yourself to meet your short term aims and you’ll be amazed at how much more satisfaction, self esteem and extra motivation you’ll gain each time you cross off a step along the way.

Tip #5. Be prepared to move the final deadline. If you can be disciplined about the little time goals, then don’t worry too much if the major deadline is a little late. It can be tough at the outset to accurately predict how long your big goals will take. You can’t foresee every setback or change of plan. Missing a major deadline is not a failure, provided you have consistently taken action since day one and provided you still have your goal in sight.

Keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll be there real soon and never forget that wherever you are now, you’ve come a huge distance from where you started. And will all that said I hope our website admin Glen gets the new planned website upgrade rolling soon!

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11 August 2007
Have you ever asked yourself “why do some people just find it so easy to talk” I have stood back so many times and just watched people talk. They looked so natural. It seemed so easy for them.

As for public speakers – well they were just in another league. How could they just stand there in front of so many people and the words flow out of their mouths so easily, the confidence they oozed.

It just wasn’t fair. How did I end up with the stumbling, speechless mouth?

This was my belief for many years. That was until I started to really really want to conquer this communication thing. I wanted to find out why I was different. I started searching and asking questions and found that I wasn’t so different.

Most public speakers I have talked to said they were so nervous before they did their speech, even the ones I thought were brilliant, I overheard asking for reassurance as they left the podium “was I ok, did you hear the bit when………., I stuffed that up” etc etc.

As for one on one conversations when someone knew no one, I found out that people usually have 2 or 3 key questions they ask before the conversation starts to flow. For example, hi I’m ……… do you mind if I join you? Or hi I’m …………. isn’t this a great party/meeting/event ……..……

So I started to really, really listen and observe how people looked so natural. I slowly stepped forward and started talking, I built up my confidence and soon talking became so much more natural. I reflected back and realized the following:

I had put all the fear in to my own head. There were many people who felt the same way.

I asked myself these key questions. What am I afraid of. What is the worst thing that can happen if I speak up?

I thought back to my childhood, what had happened all that time ago that could have affected me for so long. It was quite simple really. As a child I was told “children should be seen and not heard”. I was raised in a family where we were not allowed to have an opinion as children and if we said anything, “out of line” we were punished!

So I learned to “shut up”.

Fast forward to adulthood, in my subconscious I still had the thought that if I said the wrong thing at the wrong time then it would cause conflict. I am still not a confrontational person, I love peace not war.

So instead of saying the wrong thing, I said nothing. In a group or big crowd, I would so want to contribute so badly, but my fear kept me paralyzed. Until I asked myself those key questions What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen?

So I stepped outside of my comfort zone and took the first step. I opened my mouth and talked!! I have never looked back. Now I can speak up in front of people, even in a crowd. Saying that though, I still do not speak up if I feel there will be confrontation. This is something I still need to learn to deal with and feel comfortable with. I have no hesitation now asking a question or becoming involved in any conversation that I feel comfortable in. In fact I am finding it fun and surprising myself by becoming quite the chatterbox!!

So ask yourself “why can’t I say what I really want to say”? It is only sounds coming out of your mouth that make words

Are you afraid of the words, or are you afraid of the consequence and what may occur if you say what you really want to?

Ask yourself “what is the worst thing that can happen if I say this?” Expect the best outcome (9/10 times the worst never ever happens) and

Face your fear.

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08 August 2007
You know it’s over – maybe both of you do – but how do you find the courage to break a relationship up?

As well as the worry that you’ll hurt the other person, there’s also the fear that you won’t cope with the tidal wave of emotion you imagine you’ll feel too.

Here are some tips on how to avoid the “break relationship up” blues!

First – let’s face a stark fact. When a relationship breaks up people hurt. And relationships don’t break up on their own – someone has to do it! Very rarely is it by mutual agreement, and even if both of you do agree it’s time to go, chances are one of you will be more reluctant than the other.

The truth, however, is that keeping someone in a relationship that is no longer loving is hurting them anyway. And they probably know. They may bury their head in the proverbial sand, but it’s very rare that a lover doesn’t sense something’s wrong. The sooner you find a way to mention that maybe it’s time to break the relationship up, the sooner you put them out of that misery. Things start to add up in their head and you have the satisfaction of having been honest.

Secondly, act as quickly as you can. To minimize pain for both of you don’t hang on until it’s “convenient” for you to go, and don’t back pedal by having a conversation about patching things up. Make a clean break. If there’s ever going to be hope of starting again, don’t leave jagged edges! They’re sharp and dangerous and can hurt both of you for a lot longer than a clean break.

And what about you? Being the one to break the relationship up brings not only pain but added guilt. You did it – and you have to live with yourself.

Here’s how to think of it. First, you were already hurting because you wouldn’t have been moving on if things were working, would you? Would you give a faulty or broken tool to your best friend? Of course you wouldn’t! Inflicting your unhappy self on the person who’s been closest to you in this phase of your life is equivalent to forcing faulty or tacky goods on someone when you know it’s broken and you wouldn’t have it. Get your head around this and you’ll see that you’d have more guilt staying!

Secondly, just because you were the one to break the relationship up doesn’t mean you don’t hurt too. Let yourself grieve – you’re entitled to. (For a complete self help guide on healing from heartbreak go to my website – details later)

Finally, I will pass on a thought to you that I have found very helpful over the years. Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard or read it, so if the author is reading – thank you!

Here’s the thought: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.

You are not under obligation to stay together. You are under obligation to stay happy, and that includes doing the kindest thing for your partner too. He or she has the same entitlement.

If it’s time to break the relationship up, face it and …. break the relationship up!

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03 August 2007
If you’re reading this, you're aging right now! You may not notice it, but you are. We're aging all the time, right from the moment we are born. As we grow from babyhood to childhood, and then into our teenage years, the changes in our body are spectacular and complex.

When we make that great shift out of our teenage years into our twenties, most of the changes we encounter about growing older are good. Whe we are in our twenties, growing older means a lot more freedom and a lot of adventure. Physically, we are at our peak of perfection. In our thirties, we are starting to enjoy many of the benefits of growing older as we accumulate more wisdom and in most cases, continue to have a body and a brain that’s still in great shape.

But there comes a time, perhaps in our fifth decade, or in our sixth, when growing older starts to have some negative effects we don’t really like. We may not be as physically fit as we used to be. We start to get sags and bags. We get aches and pains. We may be showing some forgetfulness.

Our beautiful perfection of youth is gone.

Why do we age?

Over the centuries, people have often wondered how it is that our bodies grow and develop from a tiny fertilized egg, to a newborn baby, to a young child, then a teenager and, finally, a young adult. A huge number of very complex changes within our bodies must happen perfectly in order to achieve this.

Once we grow into our adult perfection, why can’t we just stay there? Why do we have to age?

And can we stop it?

Doctors and scientists used to take aging for granted. Scientists used to think that because aging was a natural process, there was no need to investigate it.

Now, as increasing numbers of baby boomers are turning fifty, anxious to hang on to some semblance of youth, more and more research is being devoted to the topic of aging.

Scientists are trying to find out how and why we age, and they are investigating possible ways to slow down the aging process, or perhaps even stop it altogether.

If new ways are found to extend physical and mental health for the aging population, the benefits to society will be enormous.

Although all of us want to live a long time, none of us wants to spend our final years in physical pain or suffering from mental decline.

Scientists have been able to identify some of the factors that influence the process of aging, and new knowledge is accumulating at a rapid rate. Dozens of theories to explain aging have been proposed, but it seems that aging is a very complex, and several processes are interlinked.

Here are some of the current theories about why we age:

Hayflick Limit Theory – Two scentists in the 1960s noticed that many human cells would divide a limited number of times, then stop. If the cells were well fed, they divided faster. Body cells may have a built-in genetic program that tells them not to reproduce anymore.

Free Radical Theory - Free radicals are molecules or atoms that have an unpaired electron. In order to be electrically balanced, these molecules or atoms will grab an electron from a nearby atom, thereby creating another free radical, eventually resulting in a cascading chain of damage to cells and organs.

Free radical formation may not account for all the symptoms of aging, but it probably does play an important part in accelerating cellular damage. Free radicals are unavoidable. They are an inevitable consequence of living in a physical body. However, there are steps we can take to slow down free radical damage, such as avoiding pollutants, and eating a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables.

The Telomere Theory – Telomeres are special types of chemicals that seem to have some ability to protect the chromosomes inside our cells. Every time our cells divide, the telemeres become shorter and less able to protect the chromosome. This may explain why the cells eventually become damaged and die. Scientists are currently trying to find out how to repair telomeres and stop the damage to the cells.

Glycation – When proteins in your body react with excess blood sugar, the proteins become damaged. This process is known as "glycation". These sugar-damaged proteins may contribute to the breakdown of many other systems in the body. People who have diabetes or problems with insulin resistance are particularly vulnerable to glycation damage because of abnormalities in their blood sugar levels.

If it turns out to be true that glycation plays a major part in causing the negative effects of aging, we may be able to slow it down by making sure we avoid excess blood sugar levels.

Here are some other factors that play a part in aging:

- We experience a steep decline in hormone production in our later years
- Our body becomes less efficient at detoxifying
- The DNA in our cells becomes damaged
- A life time of exposure to stress and environmental toxins in our air, food and water overwhelms our body's repair systems.

These are some of the explanations for why we age, but it's not yet a complete picture. At the present time, we don't yet know all the reasons for this process. And so far, there is no single magic bullet to stop it.

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01 August 2007
Have you ever felt that incredible weight of the world on your shoulders, spinning out of hand? I’m here to show you ways to relieve that overwhelming feeling of stress that just sends you reeling into the pit of doom.

1. Step back and find the humor.

Today I was visiting with a friend, after several months of missing her. I mentioned that my son was out of control these days, and we talked about how we’d both threatened our sons with not making their next birthday if they didn’t settle down. Neither of us would do anything to hurt our sons, and they know that. But suddenly we both felt the humor in our empty threats. Their behavior seemed less extreme and we knew we’d be able to get through the next moment because we were laughing at the last moments.

2. Go ahead and cry your heart out.

Tears are cleansing. Allow your tears to wipe clean the heavy burdens you’ve carried. Accept that part of life as what it is and move past the stressor to a new step. Sometimes we forget the blessing of rain upon dry land. When the storms come, the land may be barren, but as sure as the raindrops fall, there’s life beneath the surface.

3. Focus on the tasks at hand.

Sometimes we focus so much on the issues that we forget our work to be done right now. When we let go of the issues and stressors; we give them to God so we can turn our focus back to what has to be done right now. Living in the moment often reduces our stress. When we can’t change the past, and the future is just out of reach, we can stay focused on the moment and life becomes simpler.

4. Stay the course.

When stress dumps on us, we’re often tempted to make radical changes in our lives, adding more stress onto the heap of changes that we have to deal with at that moment. But we don’t have to react to stress with more stress. If we choose in that moment of time to simply stay the course, do what has to be done to deal with whatever issues we’re faced with and keep our course the same, the results are two fold. We remove additional stressors. And we give ourselves time to get past one stressful time before we must stress again.

5. Chuck the stress.

You know you want to chuck it. So, for the moment, do just exactly that. Chuck all the stress and go for a walk, take the kids for ice cream, get a manicure, give yourself a pedicure, but do something that totally distracts you long enough to clear your mind and focus on the issue. There are times when this isn’t a realistic suggestion, but other times, this is the only solution that even remotely is feasible. Look it over, if nobody is bleeding, nobody is dying, chuck the stress for some instant gratification and then go back and face your lions with a fresh face.

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28 July 2007

Many people feel nervous and shy when they have to make conversation with others, especially when they don't know they very well. Does this happen to you, especially when you are trying to make small talk with someone?

Once you start to criticize yourself in your mind, your ability to make conversation successfully will go down hill very quickly.

What can you do to improve your conversation confidence?

One of the best ways to become more confident at making conversation is to notice what negative messages you are sending yourself about your conversation ability.

You may have negative messages to yourself that are very automatic, that start appearing in your mind as soon as you say anything that you think is less than perfect.

Notice exactly what you are saying to yourself. Only then can you fight back against your negative messages by putting new positive messages in their place.

Pay attention to your negative self thoughts. Write them down so you can examine them. Chances are that your messages to yourself are very critical. For example, you may be mentally calling yourself names like “loser” and “idiot”.

Why would you do this? This may be a habit you have developed because you have low self esteem. Or you may be simply repeating the kinds of words your parents often said to you.

Why would you put yourself down this way and repeat this harsh criticism to yourself?

The real reason is that some part of your mind thinks that by criticizing you harshly with such negative words you will change your behavior and suddenly become a confident, competent person.

Does this technique actually work? No! If you have been criticizing yourself this way in the past, you already know that it does not make you perform better. In fact, all this negative internal criticism will only make you more nervous, more shy, more awkward, more embarrassed and more tongue-tied.

And this negative self criticism will not bring you one step closer to becoming a popular, relaxed confident person who can talk easily with anybody.

So, how can you switch your mind to a more positive way of thinking so that your confidence and your conversation performance will actually improve?

There are several different ways to do this, and you may benefit from using more than one method.

One good method to use as a starting point is to counteract the actual content of what you are telling yourself when you say those negative criticisms. You counteract your negative automatic thoughts using positive logical statements.

Here’s an example. Suppose that while you were having a conversation with somebody, you just said mentally to yourself, “I’m such a loser. I never say anything right. Every thing I say sounds so stupid. These people must all think I’m an idiot. No wonder no one ever likes me.”

These are certainly very negative statements to use on yourself. Will such negative thoughts help you to perform better in the future? Will they give you the confidence you need to relax and enjoy talking with other people? No they won’t!

And they are not even realistic statements. They are not based on real facts. They are just very negative, automatic statements that have become a habit for you. So change this way of thinking!

First, tell yourself to stop thinking the negative thoughts. Give your mind a clear signal to stop. You can simply say "Stop" to yourself. Say to yourself, "I will no longer make such negative statements to myself. I will search for a better, more positive message to send to myself in the future."

Here’s an example you can use:

"I just noticed that I’m automatically saying all those negative things to myself again. I called myself an idiot over and over again. But am I really an idiot? That’s just name calling. I’m not really an idiot. I’m actually smart in a lot of ways. Do I really say stupid things all the time? I probably say stupid things once in a while, but not any more often than everybody else does. I don’t know whether other people think I’m an idiot or not. I’m not really a mind reader. And I guess if some people sometimes think I sometimes say stupid things, it’s unfortunate, but it’s not really the end of the world."

"When I tell myself that nobody could like me, once again I'm making negative statements where I exaggerate and think that I really know what other people are thinking. I don't know for sure whether all other people like me or not. It’s more logical to think that some people like me and some people don’t. All I can do is to try to be myself."

When you consistently retrain yourself to change your negative thoughts about the way you perform when you are talking with others with positive thoughts, you will become much more relaxed and confident when you make conversation with others.

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