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23 November 2007

Since everyone seems too busy to post on this blog I've decided to take the time and post this list of usefull advice and tips on how optimise your habit for better learning. To some people reaching the goal to be a successfull person is on the top of their list, so what ever you define as "success" in your life, this list of tips and advice should help you reach your goal(s).

And with all that in mind, we should also consiter what Glenn said in some of his earlyer blogpost, "reading something and learning about it doesnt make you an expert on the subject... you have to take part in your studies and get involved in what ever you are trying to understand."




Health


  1. Shake a leg. Lack of blood flow is a common reason for lack of concentration. If you've been sitting in one place for awhile, bounce one of your legs for a minute or two. It gets your blood flowing and sharpens both concentration and recall.
  2. Food for thought: Eat breakfast. A lot of people skip breakfast, but creativity is often optimal in the early morning and it helps to have some protein in you to feed your brain. A lack of protein can actually cause headaches.
  3. Food for thought, part 2: Eat a light lunch. Heavy lunches have a tendency to make people drowsy. While you could turn this to your advantage by taking a "thinking nap" (see #23), most people haven't learned how.
  4. Cognitive enhancers: Ginkgo biloba. Ginkgo biloba is a natural supplement that has been used in China and other countries for centuries and has been reputed to reverse memory loss in rats. It's also suggested by some health practitioners as a nootrope and thus a memory enhancer.
  5. Reduce stress + depresssion. Stress and depression may reduce the ability to recall information and thus inhibit learning. Sometimes, all you need to reduce depression is more white light and fewer refined foods.


Balance


  1. Sleep on it. Dr. Maxwell Maltz wrote about in his book Psycho-Cybernetics about a man who was was paid good money to come up with ideas. He would lock his office door, close the blinds, turn off the lights. He'd focus on the problem at hand, then take a short nap on a couch. When he awoke, he usually had the problem solved.
  2. Take a break. Change phyical or mental perspective to lighten the invisible stress that can sometimes occur when you sit in one place too long, focused on learning. Taking a 5-15 minute break every hour during study sessions is more beneficial than non-stop study. It gives your mind time to relax and absorb information. If you want to get really serious with breaks, try a 20 minute ultradian break as part of every 90 minute cycle. This includes a nap break, which is for a different purpose than #23.
  3. Take a hike. Changing your perspective often relieves tension, thus freeing your creative mind. Taking a short walk around the neighborhood may help.
  4. Change your focus. Sometimes there simply isn't enough time to take a long break. If so, change subject focus. Alternate between technical and non-technical subjects.


Perspective and Focus


  1. Change your focus, part 2. There are three primary ways to learn: visual, kinesthetic, and auditory. If one isn't working for you, try another.
  2. Do walking meditation. If you're taking a hike (#25), go one step further and learn walking meditation as a way to tap into your inner resources and your strengthen your ability to focus. Just make sure you're not walking inadvertently into traffic.
  3. Focus and immerse yourself. Focus on whatever you're studying. Don't try to watch TV at the same time or worry yourself about other things. Anxiety does not make for absorption of information and ideas.
  4. Turn out the lights. This is a way to focus, if you are not into meditating. Sit in the dark, block out extraneous influences. This is ideal for learning kinesthetically, such as guitar chord changes.
  5. Take a bath or shower. Both activities loosen you up, making your mind more receptive to recognizing brilliant ideas.


Recall Techniques


  1. Listen to music. Researchers have long shown that certain types of music are a great "key" for recalling memories. Information learned while listening to a particular song or collection can often be recalled simply by "playing" the songs mentally.
  2. Speedread. Some people believe that speedreading causes you to miss vital information. The fact remains that efficient speedreading results in filtering out irrelevant information. If necessary, you can always read and re-read at slower speeds. Slow reading actually hinders the ability to absorb general ideas. (Although technical subjects often requirer slower reading.) If you're reading online, you can try the free Spreeder Web-based application.
  3. Use acronyms and other mnemonic devices. Mnemonics are essentially tricks for remembering information. Some tricks are so effective that proper application will let you recall loads of mundane information years later.


Visual Aids


  1. Every picture tells a story. Draw or sketch whatever it is you are trying to achieve. Having a concrete goal in mind helps you progress towards that goal.
  2. Brainmap it. Need to plan something? Brain maps, or mind maps, offer a compact way to get both an overview of a project as well as easily add details. With mind maps, you can see the relationships between disparate ideas and they can also act as a receptacle for a brainstorming session.
  3. Learn symbolism and semiotics. Semiotics is the study of signs and symbols. Having an understanding of the symbols of a particular discipline aids in learning, and also allows you to record information more efficiently.
  4. Use information design. When you record information that has an inherent structure, applying information design helps convey that information more clearly. A great resource is Information Aesthetics, which gives examples of information design and links to their sources.
  5. Use visual learning techniques. Try gliffy for structured diagrams. Also see Inspiration.com for an explanation of webs, idea maps, concept maps, and plots.
  6. Map your task flow. Learning often requires gaining knowledge in a specific sequence. Organizing your thoughts on what needs to be done is a powerful way to prepare yourself to complete tasks or learn new topics.


Verbal and Auditory Techniques


  1. Stimulate ideas. Play rhyming games, utter nonsense words. These loosen you up, making you more receptive to learning.
  2. Brainstorm. This is a time-honored technique that combines verbal activity, writing, and collaboration. (One person can brainstorm, but it's more effective in a group.) It's fruitful if you remember some simple rules: Firstly, don't shut anyone's idea out. Secondly, don't "edit" in progress; just record all ideas first, then dissect them later. Participating in brainstorming helps assess what you already know about something, and what you didn't know.
  3. Learn by osmosis. Got an iPod? Record a few of your own podcasts, upload them to your iPod and sleep on it. Literally. Put it under your pillow and playback language lessons or whatever.
  4. Cognitive enhancers: binaural beats. Binaural beats involve playing two close frequencies simultaneously to produce alpha, beta, delta, and theta waves, all of which produce either sleeping, restfulness, relaxation, meditativeness, alertness, or concentration. Binaural beats are used in conjunction with other excercises for a type of super-learning.
  5. Laugh. Laughing relaxes the body. A relaxed body is more receptive to new ideas.


Kinesthetic Techniques


  1. Write, don't type. While typing your notes into the computer is great for posterity, writing by hand stimulates ideas. The simple act of holding and using a pen or pencil massages acupuncture points in the hand, which in turn stimulates ideas.
  2. Carry a quality notebook at all times. Samuel Taylor Coleridge dreamed the words of the poem "In Xanadu (did Kubla Khan)...". Upon awakening, he wrote down what he could recall, but was distracted by a visitor and promptly forgot the rest of the poem. Forever. If you've been doing "walking meditation" or any kind of meditation or productive napping, ideas may suddenly come to you. Record them immediately.
  3. Keep a journal. This isn't exactly the same as a notebook. Journaling has to do with tracking experiences over time. If you add in visual details, charts, brainmaps, etc., you have a much more creative way to keep tabs on what you are learning.
  4. Organize. Use sticky colored tabs to divide up a notebook or journal. They are a great way to partition ideas for easy referral.
  5. Use post-it notes. Post-it notes provide a helpful way to record your thoughts about passages in books without defacing them with ink or pencil marks.


Self-Motivation Techniques


  1. Give yourself credit. Ideas are actually a dime a dozen. If you learn to focus your mind on what results you want to achieve, you'll recognize the good ideas. Your mind will become a filter for them, which will motivate you to learn more.
  2. Motivate yourself. Why do you want to learn something? What do want to achieve through learning? If you don't know why you want to learn, then distractions will be far more enticing.
  3. Set a goal. W. Clement Stone once said "Whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve." It's an amazing phenomenon in goal achievement. Prepare yourself by whatever means necessary, and hurdles will seem surmountable. Anyone who has experienced this phenomenon understands its validity.
  4. Think positive. There's no point in setting learning goals for yourself if you don't have any faith in your ability to learn.
  5. Organize, part 2. Learning is only one facet of the average adult's daily life. You need to organize your time and tasks else you might find it difficult to fit time in for learning. Try Neptune for a browser-based application for "getting things done."
  6. Every skill is learned. With the exception of bodily functions, every skill in life is learned. Generally speaking, if one person can learn something, so can you. It may take you more effort, but if you've set a believable goal, it's likely an achievable goal.
  7. Prepare yourself for learning. Thinking positive isn't sufficient for successfully achieving goals. This is especially important if you are an adult, as you'll probably have many distractions surrounding your daily life. Implement ways to reduce distractions, at least for a few hours at a time, else learning will become a frustrating experience.
  8. Prepare yourself, part 2. Human nature is such that not everyone in your life will be a well-wisher in your self-improvement and learning plans. They may intentionally or subconsciously distract you from your goal. If you have classes to attend after work, make sure that work colleagues know this, that you are unable to work late. Diplomacy works best if you think your boss is intentionally giving you work on the days he/she knows you have to leave. Reschedule lectures to a later time slot if possible/ necessary.
  9. Constrain yourself. Most people need structure in their lives. Freedom is sometimes a scary thing. It's like chaos. But even chaos has order within. By constraining yourself — say giving yourself deadlines, limiting your time on an idea in some manner, or limiting the tools you are working with — you can often accomplish more in less time.


Supplemental Techniques


  1. Read as much as you can. How much more obvious can it get? Use Spreeder (#33) if you have to. Get a breadth of topics as well as depth.
  2. Cross-pollinate your interests. Neurons that connect to existing neurons give you new perspectives and abilities to use additional knowledge in new ways.
  3. Learn another language. New perspectives give you the ability to cross-pollinate cultural concepts and come up with new ideas. As well, sometimes reading a book in its original language will provide you with insights lost in translation.
  4. Learn how to learn. Management Help has a resource page, as does SIAST (Virtual Campus), which links to articles about learning methods. They are geared towards online learning, but no doubt you gain something from them for any type of learning. If you are serious about optimum learning, read Headrush's Crash course in learning theory.
  5. Learn what you know and what you don't. Many people might say, "I'm dumb," or "I don't know anything about that." The fact is, many people are wholly unaware of what they already know about a topic. If you want to learn about a topic, you need to determine what you already know, figure out what you don't know, and then learn the latter.
  6. Multi-task through background processes. Effective multi-tasking allows you to bootstrap limited time to accomplish several tasks. Learning can be bootstrapped through multi-tasking, too. By effective multitasking, I don't mean doing two or more things at exactly the same time. It's not possible. However, you can achieve the semblance of effective multitasking with the right approach, and by prepping your mind for it. For example, a successful freelance writer learns to manage several articles at the same time. Research the first essay, and then let the background processes of your mind takeover. Move on consciously to the second essay. While researching the second essay, the first one will often "write itself." Be prepared to record it when it "appears" to you.
  7. Think holistically. Holistic thinking might be the single most "advanced" learning technique that would help students. But it's a mindset rather than a single technique.
  8. Use the right type of repetition. Complex concepts often require revisting in order to be fully absorbed. Sometimes, for some people, it may actually take months or years. Repetition of concepts and theory with various concrete examples improves absorption and speeds up learning.
  9. Apply the Quantum Learning (QL) model. The Quantum Learning model is being applied in some US schools and goes beyond typical education methods to engage students.
  10. Get necessary tools. There are obviously all kinds of tools for learning. If you are learning online like a growing number of people these days, then consider your online tools. One of the best tools for online research is the Firefox web browser, which has loads of extensions (add-ons) with all manner of useful features. One is Googlepedia, which simultaneously displays Google search engine listings, when you search for a term, with related entries from Wikipedia.
  11. Get necessary tools, part 2. This is a very niche tip, but if you want to learn fast-track methods for building software, read Getting Real from 37 Signals. The Web page version is free. The techniques in the book have been used to create Basecamp, Campfire, and Backpack web applications in a short time frame. Each of these applications support collaboration and organization.
  12. Learn critical thinking. As Keegan-Michael Key's character on MadTV might say, critical thinking takes analysis to "a whole notha level". Read Wikipedia's discourse on critical thinking as a starting point. It involves good analytical skills to aid the ability to learn selectively.
  13. Learn complex problem solving. For most people, life is a series of problems to be solved. Learning is part of the process. If you have a complex problem, you need to learn the art of complex problem solving. [The latter page has some incredible visual information.]


For Teachers, Tutors, and Parents


  1. Be engaging. Lectures are one-sided and often counter-productive. Information merely heard or witnessed (from a chalkboard for instance) is often forgotten. Teaching is not simply talking. Talking isn't enough. Ask students questions, present scenarios, engage them.
  2. Use information pyramids. Learning happens in layers. Build base knowledge upon which you can add advanced concepts.
  3. Use video games. Video games get a bad rap because of certain violent games. But video games in general can often be an effective aid to learning.
  4. Role play. Younger people often learn better by being part of a learning experience. For example, history is easier to absorb through reenactments.
  5. Apply the 80/20 rule. This rule is often interpreted in dfferent ways. In this case, the 80/20 rule means that some concepts, say about 20% of a curriculum, require more effort and time, say about 80%, than others. So be prepared to expand on complex topics.
  6. Tell stories. Venus Flytrap, a character from the sitcom WKRP in Cincinnati, once taught a student gang member about atoms, electrons, and protons by saying that an atom was one big neighborhood, and the protons and neutrons had their own smaller neighborhoods and never mixed. Just like rival gangs. The story worked, and understanding sparked in the students eyes.
  7. Go beyond the public school curriculum. The public school system is woefully lacking in teaching advanced learning and brainstorming methods. It's not that the methods cannot be taught; they just aren't. To learn more, you have to pay a premium in additional time and effort, and sometimes money for commercially available learning tools. There's nothing wrong with that in itself, but what is taught in schools needs to be expanded. This article's author has proven that a nine-year old can learn (some) university level math, if the learning is approached correctly.
  8. Use applied learning. If a high school student were having trouble in math, say with fractions, one example of applied learning might be photography, lenses, f-stops, etc. Another example is cooking and measurement of ingredients. Tailor the applied learning to the interest of the student.


For Students and Self-Studiers


  1. Be engaged. Surprise. Sometimes students are bored because they know more than is being taught, maybe even more than a teacher. (Hopefully teachers will assess what each student already knows.) Students should discuss with a teacher if they feel that the material being covered is not challenging. Also consider asking for additional materials.
  2. Teach yourself. Teachers cannot always change their curricula. If you're not being challenged, challenge yourself. Some countries still apply country-wide exams for all students. If your lecturer didn't cover a topic, you should learn it on your own. Don't wait for someone to teach you. Lectures are most effective when you've pre-introduced yourself to concepts.
  3. Collaborate. If studying by yourself isn't working, maybe a study group will help.
  4. Do unto others: teach something. The best way to learn something better is to teach it to someone else. It forces you to learn, if you are motivated enough to share your knowledge.
  5. Write about it. An effective way to "teach" something is to create an FAQ or a wiki containing everything you know about a topic. Or blog about the topic. Doing so helps you to realize what you know and more importantly what you don't. You don't even have to spend money if you grab a freebie account with Typepad, Wordpress, or Blogger.
  6. Learn by experience. Pretty obvious, right? It means put in the necessary time. An expert is often defined as someone who has put in 10,000 hours into some experience or endeavor. That's approximately 5 years of 40 hours per week, every week. Are you an expert without realizing it? If you're not, do you have the dedication to be an expert?
  7. Quiz yourself. Testing what you've learned will reinforce the information. Flash cards are one of the best ways, and are not just for kids.
  8. Learn the right things first. Learn the basics. Case in point: a frustrating way to learn a new language is to learn grammar and spelling and sentence constructs first. This is not the way a baby learns a language, and there's no reason why an adult or young adult has to start differently, despite "expert" opinion. Try for yourself and see the difference.
  9. Plan your learning. If you have a long-term plan to learn something, then to quote Led Zeppelin, "There are two paths you can go by." You can take a haphazard approach to learning, or you can put in a bit of planning and find an optimum path. Plan your time and balance your learning and living.


Parting Advice


  1. Persist. Don't give up learning in the face of intimdating tasks. Anything one human being can learn, most others can as well. Wasn't it Einstein that said, "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration"? Thomas Edison said it, too.
  2. Defy the experts. Dyslexia, in a nutshell, is the affliction of mentally jumbling letters and digits, causing difficulties in reading, writing and thus learning. Sometimes spoken words or numbers get mixed up as well. In the past, "experts" declared dyslexic children stupid. Later, they said they were incapable of learning. This author has interacted with and taught dyslexic teens. It's possible. Helen Keller had no experience of sight, sound, or speech, and yet she learned. Conclusion: There is more than one way to learn; never believe you cannot.
  3. Challenge yourself. People are often more intelligent than they realize. In a world that compartmentalizes and categorizes everything, not everyone is sure where they fit in. And genius can be found in many walks of life. If you honestly suspect that there's more to you than has been "allowed" to be let out, try an IQ test such as the one offered by MENSA. It's unlike the standardized IQ tests given in many schools. You know the kind — the ones which traumatize many young students into thinking they are stupid, simply because the tests don't really assess all student's knowledge and learning ability. And the ability to learn is far, far more important than what you already know.
  4. Party before an exam. Well, don't go that far. The key is to relax. The worse thing to do is cram the night before an exam. If you don't already know a subject by then, cramming isn't going to help. If you have studied, simply review the topic, then go do something pleasant (no more studying). Doing so tells your brain that you are prepared and that you will be able to recall anything that you have already learned. On the other hand, if you didn't spend the semester learning the ideas you need, you might as well go party anyways because cramming at the last minute isn't going to help much at that point.
  5. Don't worry; learn happy. Have a real passion for learning and want to share that? Join a group such as the Joyful Jubilant Learning community [via LifeHack].


Sources For This Article


This is only a partial list of sources, focusing only on Web sites. Many of the ideas presented above come from long years of experience, with information gleaned from dozens of books and tapes on learning and, more recently, Web sites. The Web sites below either present original articles related to the ideas above, or summaries of ideas with links to other Web sites. In the latter case, such Web sites have likely been linked above. Book sources have either been long forgotten or mentioned above.






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20 October 2007
This is my short little summary of Cherie's "10 Rules for bieng Human". Cherie Carter-Scott PhD is a very modern guru. Her theories explain our attitudes and behaviour with a special clarity, and provide a practical guide to behaviour and self development. Dr. Carter-Scott achieved her PhD in human and organisational development and for the nearly 30 years has been an international lecturer, consultant and author.

Carter-Scott's book 'If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules' is essential reading if you are interested in behaviour, relationships, communications, and human personality. Cherie Carter-Scott's rules for life - also known as 'The Ten Rules For Being Human' and referenced in her book with Jack Canfield: 'Chicken Soup For The Soul' - are a map for understanding and pursuing personal development, and for helping others to understand and develop too. 'If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules' is also commonly referenced book in the life-coaching industry.

Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.

Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.


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[Originating Article]
18 October 2007

IQ and intelligence increasing is one of those topics where most people think they don't have a choice. People say intelligence is genetic, that you can't increase it, that it's all to do with education etc. But i say this to you now:


Society is full of lies.


And these lies which people say have limited the true potential and GENIUS that lies within us. Just think for a moment, the geek in high school with the straight A's and the medicine degree, what did he do to deserve his intelligence?


And think similarly too about the poor guy who worked and worked hard, only to end up with CCD grades and a life where "intelligence" and "analysis" isn't his strength.....what did he do to deserve that?


You see, your intelligence will and can increase if you first believe that you can. Then you need to intend that you will act to increase your intelligence. And then it will increase. I want to teach you a quick method to increase your IQ. Act and use this method because it works! I want to start explaining this technique by asking you a question that in turn reveals a great secret about increasing your intelligence.


The question is:


What do you think is the typical human concentration span? 10 minutes? 20 minutes? 40 minutes? 2 hours?


The answer will gobsmack you. The answer actually is 7 seconds! 7 seconds i hear you say! Yep, you read that right! Our average concentration span is actually only about 7 seconds. (range is between 4-11 since it depends on your intelligence level)


Scary huh? It might seem hard to believe but prove it to yourself right now so you know I'm telling the truth:



  1. Look at a fine and distinct quality of an object (eg the colour, the edge, the shape)

  2. Place your concentration on the object

  3. Notice how your concentration on that quality wavers to another quality of the object, within seconds.


You see, you might be able to focus your attention on a task for 40 minutes+, but you cannot focus your concentration on a particular quality for more than a few seconds. Your concentration ability is the most fundamental "tool" which you have for all intellectual endeavours And here lies a secret to increasing your intelligence.


Since your concentration span is so tiny, if you can find a technique to increase your concentration span, by even a second, it will lead to a huge increase in concentration ability overall. And this technique is what im about to reveal to you.


TECHNIQUE: PSEUDO TELEKINESIS (AVERAGE IQ GAIN= 5-15 POINTS)



  1. Obtain a coin and place it in front of you

  2. Make sure you are in a comfortable sitting place and in a location in which you will not be disturbed

  3. Look at the coin from a distance of 30 to 40cm away and concentrate your full attention on the look of the coin. Try and concentrate on its shape more than its particular features. Do not touch the coin

  4. Place your thoughts on the side-edge of the coin and try and force all your thoughts to be concentrated on that edge. By thoughts, i am NOT talking about images or words in your mind, just simply the force of your concentration on the coin.

  5. You should imagine that the thoughts which you are exerting act as the force to make the coin move. Mentally push with your thoughts towards the edge of the coin. If the coin moves, replace it with a non-metallic object as your emphasis here is not real telekinesis

  6. You must maintain as much as possible, your concentration on the shape of the coin by looking directly at it, but also by attempting to force your thoughts onto its edge.

  7. If you are performing the technique correctly, you will become unaware of your surroundings. If you become distracted (which you will at first), turn your attention back to the coin and doggedly attempt to maintain it.

  8. You can repeat for any object of your choice, but a small metal object is desirable since this attracts the brainwaves towards the focal point you are concentrating on, thus allowing them to become more precise.


Other Effects of This Technique


  1. Increased listening ability

  2. Increased mathematical ability

  3. Ability to sustain more complex arguments

  4. Increased ability to extract relevant information from sources

  5. Increased ease of memorisation


You should easily get an extra 5-15 IQ points on your existing IQ score using this technique. Practice for 6 days out of 7.

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14 October 2007
If you have memory problems, you might not be using your brain in the right way. The solution? Learn the trick that memory performers use.

These performers amaze us with all sorts of memory feats, such as magically remembering the exact order of the 52 cards in a deck (or even several decks!). You might assume these people have photographic memories, but you would be wrong. Most of them only have average memories.

Instead, memory performers use a technique that I will call “Visualization and Association” (V&A). This is a fun memory trick that anyone who wants to have a great memory can learn. If you have trouble remembering your school work, or facts related to your job, or current events, or people’s names, or any other type of information, the solution is to learn V&A and make it a personal habit you use every day.

Even if you only have an average memory – or even a bad memory – you can still use V&A to memorize things easily and well. Small children have been taught this technique, so anyone can learn it.

Why This Technique Works

Most people remember images better than verbal or written information. For example... I may be able to easily imagine the different homes I have lived in during my life, even though I might have a hard time remembering all the addresses and phone numbers.

Images are concrete, while raw information is often abstract. With the V&A technique, you convert the abstract information into easy-to-remember mental pictures.

Before I explain how to do the V&A memory technique, let me explain why it works. I have already mentioned that images are easier to remember. But it goes beyond that. Other important aspects of memory that V&A takes advantage of are concentration and repetition.

If you can’t focus, you won’t remember what you are trying to learn. The V&A process forces you to focus. Why? Because you are actively using the material. To change facts into mental images, you must focus - you have no choice. Creating mental images is a powerful way to focus the mind.

In addition, exposing yourself to the material over and over while creating images is repetition. If someone you meet tells you their name one time, you might or might not remember their name. But if they remind you during the conversation what their name is, you will remember their name more easily because you heard it more than once. (Most people we meet don’t help us out like that, though!) When creating your mental images, you naturally “repeat” the details until you get each image clear in your mind.

So the V&A technique boosts your memory for three reasons:

- Images are easier to remember than facts

- Creating images forces you to focus

- Reviewing your images is repetition that helps memory

By the way, V&A is not time consuming – it saves time. Creating mental images does take a few moments. But if you practice a little each day, you will get very fast. Think about this: how much time have you wasted repeating something over and over in the hope of remembering it, and then you forget it anyway? Use the V&A memory trick, and you will remember the information very well the first time. And it will stick.

How to Do It

So, how do you use the V&A memory technique? Let me explain using an example. This example is from science, but V&A is so basic it can be used to remember just about anything.

Let’s suppose your biochemistry teacher asks you to memorize the most common “nucleotides”, chemicals that are part of everyone’s DNA.

The teacher tells you there are five types of nucleotides: adenine, guanine, cytosine, uracil, and thymine.

Now, how can you remember this information for the exam? If you simply repeat the names of the nucleotides over and over, you might forget one or more of them in a short time.

The V&A trick is to create mental images and associate the images together in your head. Here are the steps for using the V&A technique:


  1. Think of easy words or phrases that sound like the hard words.

    Examples:

    nucleotide = “nuclear tide”

    adenine = “add a knee”

    guanine = “gong knee”

    cytosine = “sight a stream”

    uracil = “you’re a sill”

    thymine = “thigh meat”

    The easy words don’t have to sound exactly like the hard words. The easy words act as a reminder. You will automatically remember the hard words if you recall the easy ones. Trust me on this.

  2. Now, think of a simple mental image for each easy word. Silly images are fine. Actually they are better, because silly things are easier to remember.

    Try to see each image vividly in your mind.

    Examples:

    nuclear tide = nuclear bomb mushroom cloud exploding in ocean waves (not silly)

    add a knee = adding a knee to one of your legs, so that you have three knees (silly)

    gong knee = hit your knee, it sounds like a metal gong (musical instrument)

    sight a stream = a stream flowing in the distance

    you’re a sill = you are lying sideways under a big window – you are the window sill

    thigh meat = fried chicken, thigh piece

  3. Now, associate the mental images to each other, in order.

    Again, make sure to imagine the mental pictures clearly. Imagine the colors, shapes, sounds, and movement in your images. This will help the pictures stick in your mind.

    nuclear tide -> add a knee: connect the “tide” in your nuclear tide image with the three knees image. Perhaps imagine yourself with three knees trying to wade through the tide at the beach.

    add a knee -> gong knee = the word “knee” already connects these two. So, the image of you wading three-kneed through the tide could make you think of hitting your knee making it sound like a gong.

    gong knee -> sight a stream = you’ve already used “knee” in two images. To prevent confusion, tie the “gong” to the sight a stream image. Your image of hitting your knee like a gong could make you think of you seeing a distant stream with hundreds of gongs floating down river.

    sight a stream -> you’re a sill = now, tie “stream” to your sill image. As a separate image, imagine yourself as a window sill, and a stream is flowing through the window getting you all wet.

    you're a sill -> thigh meat = now, create a separate image associating “sill” with a fried chicken thigh. Perhaps imagine someone closing a window onto a box of fried chicken. It makes a greasy mess, and one of the chicken thighs gets smushed on the sill.

  4. That’s it. Now, review it. The teacher asks you to name the five nucleotides that make up DNA. See if you can do it by recalling the images in your mind. Start with your image of “nuclear tide”.

    Let’s walk through it. The teacher says “nucleotide” or you see the word written on the test, and immediately your image of a mushroom cloud in the ocean tide (nuclear tide) comes to mind. Next, “tide” should remind you of your three-kneed self wading through the tide. You have an extra knee (“add a knee”), so the first nucleotide is adenine.

    The three knees image makes you think of your “gong knee” image, so the second nucleotide is guanine. The gong knee reminds you of all the gongs floating down a distant stream in your sight (“sight a stream”), so the third nucleotide is cytosine.

    Next, the stream reminds you of the window that a stream is flowing through, with you as the window sill (“you’re a sill”), so the next nucleotide is uracil. Finally, the window sill reminds you of a window closing on a box of fried chicken, with the fried chicken thigh (“thigh meat”) getting smashed – thymine.

    It’s true, it took me a few moments to type this description of what you are seeing in your mind. But the mental process is actually very fast. The images literally flash one after the other in your mind’s eye, and you instantly know the answer.

Some scientists believe we never forget anything. Nine times out of ten, the reason we can’t remember is that we can’t find the information in our brains. It’s there, we just can’t get to it. We have not made it a habit to create the mental hooks – the images – that we need to grab and pull out the information.

That’s what I meant at the beginning about not using your brain in the right way. If you practice the V&A memory technique, you will get very good at creating the mental hooks for anything that you want to remember.

At first, it may seem like an artificial way to remember something. But remember, Visualization & Association is what the memory performers use – and it works. It’s actually a lot of fun, once you get the hang of it. It really taps into your creativity.




Article Written by: Jobes, Douglas

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Myth: Drink coffee for an energized pick me up

Truth: In truth, coffee puts your body in a stressful state. The stress produces an alertness from a chemical reaction, which is often mistaken for “energy.” Don’t get caught up in the coffee junkie jive!

Have you heard?

There is a product on the market called Bawls. It’s a high caffeine soft drink that many college kids are using to stay awake for extended periods of time to study for tests and do homework. And guess what? One 16 oz. bottle is the equivalent of 100 mg or 9 cups of coffee. Just so you’ll know, that is way over the the USDA daily dosage intake amount.

Find out more about the product BAWLS [Google it] so you can keep you and your kids away from it.


Four Ways Caffeine Limits You

1. Interferes with sleep

2. Elevates hormone levels

3. Dehydrates body, which, over time, effects how quickly you’ll age

4. Impairs digestion and regular bowel movements

10 Good Reasons To Kick The Habit

You want to:

1. lower blood pressure

2. reduce stress

3. get rid of heartburn

4. eliminate migraines

5. sleep better at night

6. increase your iron

7. reverse bone loss (osteoporosis)

8. prevent enlarging your prostrate glands

9. avoid pregnancy and childbirth complications

10. be free from anxiety and anxiety attacks

Here’s my strategy to get clean. We suggest you try reducing your coffee intake and increase your herbal coffee intake. There is no caffeine in herbal. It’s rich in natural ingredients like chicory root, dates, almonds, figs, and roasted carob.

When you get rid of the caffeine, your body may exhibit these symptoms:

• low energy

• fatigue

• constipation

• fuzzy thinking

This article is about kicking the habit without pain. So, here’s how to do so with grace and ease:

* To combat fuzzy thinking, supplement with Gingko biloba.

* To alleviate low energy, take a B 100 vitamin supplement.

* For constipation, licorice or a flax seed/selenium laxative works miracles.

For a multi-prong approach for all the above, exercise and take St. John’s Wart.

I encourage you to stick it out until you get back to your lively self. Take this wisdom challenge…try kicking for the habit for at least 30 days, if you don’t like your healthier less stressed life, then by all means go back to drinking coffee.



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15 August 2007
Why do we need deadlines when we’re setting goals? How important are they and what do we need to know about them? Here are five key tips to help you get deadlines into perspective.

Tip #1. Every major goal needs a deadline. Why? Because if you don’t know when you need to get to your goal, then how do you know how long to spend on each step? A time plan is just as important as an action plan.

Tip #2. Every step along the way needs its own deadline. If you are breaking your major goals down into chunks, or action steps; and you should be; then each one of those steps needs its own time limit, so that you know exactly how long to spend on it.

Tip #3. Deadlines must be realistic. Goal setters tend to fall into two types; stretchers and plodders. The stretchers are the ones constantly pushing themselves to do better, do more, go faster. Stretchers tend to set very tight deadlines that put them under pressure. This gives them satisfaction because they are always competing against themselves.

Plodders take the slow and steady approach and set long deadlines that they know they can hit. They don’t thrive on pressure; they would rather be sure of success.

Whichever type you are all you need to do is make sure that your deadline takes into account your abilities, your available time and all the other things you need to do in your life. Don’t aim to write your novel by the end of the week, if you have to spend 12 hours a day looking after your young children. Be realistic.

Tip #4. Be tough on your small deadlines, but more flexible on your big ones. In many ways, hitting the time targets on your individual action steps is more important than hitting the deadline on your major goal. Here’s why.

If you are too laid back about getting each action done, you start to get laid back about the whole plan and before you know it, you’ll be making excuses, getting distracted and watching your great dream fade into the distance. If you allow every action step to overrun, then the final deadline will be massively extended and might never happen.

Push yourself to meet your short term aims and you’ll be amazed at how much more satisfaction, self esteem and extra motivation you’ll gain each time you cross off a step along the way.

Tip #5. Be prepared to move the final deadline. If you can be disciplined about the little time goals, then don’t worry too much if the major deadline is a little late. It can be tough at the outset to accurately predict how long your big goals will take. You can’t foresee every setback or change of plan. Missing a major deadline is not a failure, provided you have consistently taken action since day one and provided you still have your goal in sight.

Keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll be there real soon and never forget that wherever you are now, you’ve come a huge distance from where you started. And will all that said I hope our website admin Glen gets the new planned website upgrade rolling soon!

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11 August 2007
Have you ever asked yourself “why do some people just find it so easy to talk” I have stood back so many times and just watched people talk. They looked so natural. It seemed so easy for them.

As for public speakers – well they were just in another league. How could they just stand there in front of so many people and the words flow out of their mouths so easily, the confidence they oozed.

It just wasn’t fair. How did I end up with the stumbling, speechless mouth?

This was my belief for many years. That was until I started to really really want to conquer this communication thing. I wanted to find out why I was different. I started searching and asking questions and found that I wasn’t so different.

Most public speakers I have talked to said they were so nervous before they did their speech, even the ones I thought were brilliant, I overheard asking for reassurance as they left the podium “was I ok, did you hear the bit when………., I stuffed that up” etc etc.

As for one on one conversations when someone knew no one, I found out that people usually have 2 or 3 key questions they ask before the conversation starts to flow. For example, hi I’m ……… do you mind if I join you? Or hi I’m …………. isn’t this a great party/meeting/event ……..……

So I started to really, really listen and observe how people looked so natural. I slowly stepped forward and started talking, I built up my confidence and soon talking became so much more natural. I reflected back and realized the following:

I had put all the fear in to my own head. There were many people who felt the same way.

I asked myself these key questions. What am I afraid of. What is the worst thing that can happen if I speak up?

I thought back to my childhood, what had happened all that time ago that could have affected me for so long. It was quite simple really. As a child I was told “children should be seen and not heard”. I was raised in a family where we were not allowed to have an opinion as children and if we said anything, “out of line” we were punished!

So I learned to “shut up”.

Fast forward to adulthood, in my subconscious I still had the thought that if I said the wrong thing at the wrong time then it would cause conflict. I am still not a confrontational person, I love peace not war.

So instead of saying the wrong thing, I said nothing. In a group or big crowd, I would so want to contribute so badly, but my fear kept me paralyzed. Until I asked myself those key questions What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen?

So I stepped outside of my comfort zone and took the first step. I opened my mouth and talked!! I have never looked back. Now I can speak up in front of people, even in a crowd. Saying that though, I still do not speak up if I feel there will be confrontation. This is something I still need to learn to deal with and feel comfortable with. I have no hesitation now asking a question or becoming involved in any conversation that I feel comfortable in. In fact I am finding it fun and surprising myself by becoming quite the chatterbox!!

So ask yourself “why can’t I say what I really want to say”? It is only sounds coming out of your mouth that make words

Are you afraid of the words, or are you afraid of the consequence and what may occur if you say what you really want to?

Ask yourself “what is the worst thing that can happen if I say this?” Expect the best outcome (9/10 times the worst never ever happens) and

Face your fear.

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08 August 2007
You know it’s over – maybe both of you do – but how do you find the courage to break a relationship up?

As well as the worry that you’ll hurt the other person, there’s also the fear that you won’t cope with the tidal wave of emotion you imagine you’ll feel too.

Here are some tips on how to avoid the “break relationship up” blues!

First – let’s face a stark fact. When a relationship breaks up people hurt. And relationships don’t break up on their own – someone has to do it! Very rarely is it by mutual agreement, and even if both of you do agree it’s time to go, chances are one of you will be more reluctant than the other.

The truth, however, is that keeping someone in a relationship that is no longer loving is hurting them anyway. And they probably know. They may bury their head in the proverbial sand, but it’s very rare that a lover doesn’t sense something’s wrong. The sooner you find a way to mention that maybe it’s time to break the relationship up, the sooner you put them out of that misery. Things start to add up in their head and you have the satisfaction of having been honest.

Secondly, act as quickly as you can. To minimize pain for both of you don’t hang on until it’s “convenient” for you to go, and don’t back pedal by having a conversation about patching things up. Make a clean break. If there’s ever going to be hope of starting again, don’t leave jagged edges! They’re sharp and dangerous and can hurt both of you for a lot longer than a clean break.

And what about you? Being the one to break the relationship up brings not only pain but added guilt. You did it – and you have to live with yourself.

Here’s how to think of it. First, you were already hurting because you wouldn’t have been moving on if things were working, would you? Would you give a faulty or broken tool to your best friend? Of course you wouldn’t! Inflicting your unhappy self on the person who’s been closest to you in this phase of your life is equivalent to forcing faulty or tacky goods on someone when you know it’s broken and you wouldn’t have it. Get your head around this and you’ll see that you’d have more guilt staying!

Secondly, just because you were the one to break the relationship up doesn’t mean you don’t hurt too. Let yourself grieve – you’re entitled to. (For a complete self help guide on healing from heartbreak go to my website – details later)

Finally, I will pass on a thought to you that I have found very helpful over the years. Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard or read it, so if the author is reading – thank you!

Here’s the thought: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.

You are not under obligation to stay together. You are under obligation to stay happy, and that includes doing the kindest thing for your partner too. He or she has the same entitlement.

If it’s time to break the relationship up, face it and …. break the relationship up!

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01 August 2007
Have you ever felt that incredible weight of the world on your shoulders, spinning out of hand? I’m here to show you ways to relieve that overwhelming feeling of stress that just sends you reeling into the pit of doom.

1. Step back and find the humor.

Today I was visiting with a friend, after several months of missing her. I mentioned that my son was out of control these days, and we talked about how we’d both threatened our sons with not making their next birthday if they didn’t settle down. Neither of us would do anything to hurt our sons, and they know that. But suddenly we both felt the humor in our empty threats. Their behavior seemed less extreme and we knew we’d be able to get through the next moment because we were laughing at the last moments.

2. Go ahead and cry your heart out.

Tears are cleansing. Allow your tears to wipe clean the heavy burdens you’ve carried. Accept that part of life as what it is and move past the stressor to a new step. Sometimes we forget the blessing of rain upon dry land. When the storms come, the land may be barren, but as sure as the raindrops fall, there’s life beneath the surface.

3. Focus on the tasks at hand.

Sometimes we focus so much on the issues that we forget our work to be done right now. When we let go of the issues and stressors; we give them to God so we can turn our focus back to what has to be done right now. Living in the moment often reduces our stress. When we can’t change the past, and the future is just out of reach, we can stay focused on the moment and life becomes simpler.

4. Stay the course.

When stress dumps on us, we’re often tempted to make radical changes in our lives, adding more stress onto the heap of changes that we have to deal with at that moment. But we don’t have to react to stress with more stress. If we choose in that moment of time to simply stay the course, do what has to be done to deal with whatever issues we’re faced with and keep our course the same, the results are two fold. We remove additional stressors. And we give ourselves time to get past one stressful time before we must stress again.

5. Chuck the stress.

You know you want to chuck it. So, for the moment, do just exactly that. Chuck all the stress and go for a walk, take the kids for ice cream, get a manicure, give yourself a pedicure, but do something that totally distracts you long enough to clear your mind and focus on the issue. There are times when this isn’t a realistic suggestion, but other times, this is the only solution that even remotely is feasible. Look it over, if nobody is bleeding, nobody is dying, chuck the stress for some instant gratification and then go back and face your lions with a fresh face.

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28 July 2007

Many people feel nervous and shy when they have to make conversation with others, especially when they don't know they very well. Does this happen to you, especially when you are trying to make small talk with someone?

Once you start to criticize yourself in your mind, your ability to make conversation successfully will go down hill very quickly.

What can you do to improve your conversation confidence?

One of the best ways to become more confident at making conversation is to notice what negative messages you are sending yourself about your conversation ability.

You may have negative messages to yourself that are very automatic, that start appearing in your mind as soon as you say anything that you think is less than perfect.

Notice exactly what you are saying to yourself. Only then can you fight back against your negative messages by putting new positive messages in their place.

Pay attention to your negative self thoughts. Write them down so you can examine them. Chances are that your messages to yourself are very critical. For example, you may be mentally calling yourself names like “loser” and “idiot”.

Why would you do this? This may be a habit you have developed because you have low self esteem. Or you may be simply repeating the kinds of words your parents often said to you.

Why would you put yourself down this way and repeat this harsh criticism to yourself?

The real reason is that some part of your mind thinks that by criticizing you harshly with such negative words you will change your behavior and suddenly become a confident, competent person.

Does this technique actually work? No! If you have been criticizing yourself this way in the past, you already know that it does not make you perform better. In fact, all this negative internal criticism will only make you more nervous, more shy, more awkward, more embarrassed and more tongue-tied.

And this negative self criticism will not bring you one step closer to becoming a popular, relaxed confident person who can talk easily with anybody.

So, how can you switch your mind to a more positive way of thinking so that your confidence and your conversation performance will actually improve?

There are several different ways to do this, and you may benefit from using more than one method.

One good method to use as a starting point is to counteract the actual content of what you are telling yourself when you say those negative criticisms. You counteract your negative automatic thoughts using positive logical statements.

Here’s an example. Suppose that while you were having a conversation with somebody, you just said mentally to yourself, “I’m such a loser. I never say anything right. Every thing I say sounds so stupid. These people must all think I’m an idiot. No wonder no one ever likes me.”

These are certainly very negative statements to use on yourself. Will such negative thoughts help you to perform better in the future? Will they give you the confidence you need to relax and enjoy talking with other people? No they won’t!

And they are not even realistic statements. They are not based on real facts. They are just very negative, automatic statements that have become a habit for you. So change this way of thinking!

First, tell yourself to stop thinking the negative thoughts. Give your mind a clear signal to stop. You can simply say "Stop" to yourself. Say to yourself, "I will no longer make such negative statements to myself. I will search for a better, more positive message to send to myself in the future."

Here’s an example you can use:

"I just noticed that I’m automatically saying all those negative things to myself again. I called myself an idiot over and over again. But am I really an idiot? That’s just name calling. I’m not really an idiot. I’m actually smart in a lot of ways. Do I really say stupid things all the time? I probably say stupid things once in a while, but not any more often than everybody else does. I don’t know whether other people think I’m an idiot or not. I’m not really a mind reader. And I guess if some people sometimes think I sometimes say stupid things, it’s unfortunate, but it’s not really the end of the world."

"When I tell myself that nobody could like me, once again I'm making negative statements where I exaggerate and think that I really know what other people are thinking. I don't know for sure whether all other people like me or not. It’s more logical to think that some people like me and some people don’t. All I can do is to try to be myself."

When you consistently retrain yourself to change your negative thoughts about the way you perform when you are talking with others with positive thoughts, you will become much more relaxed and confident when you make conversation with others.

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25 July 2007
If you don't feel comfortable making casual conversation with new people you have just met, you will find it harder to make new friends. You will also find it more difficult to fit in at your workplace.

One of the most common reasons that people have difficulty making conversation with someone they don't know very well is because they put too much pressure on themselves to be brilliant conversationalists.

Many people think that when they meet someone new, they have to say something really interesting and brilliant, right from the beginning. Even before they know the other person very well. They think they have to really put up a great performance to impress the other person.

People who find conversations with strangers to be difficult are usually trying too hard. They don't let themselves just be ordinary, and talk about fairly ordinary things.

Here's a very important lesson to learn about making conversation with new people: Insisting to yourself that you have to be brilliant and dazzling in all your conversations will not win you new friends. It will not even improve your conversational performance.

When you think to yourself that you have to perform perfectly in all your conversations, you will actually make your performance worse! You will become too nervous and awkward, and too focused on your own performance. You won't be focused on getting to know the new person you've just met.

New people that you meet are not looking for brilliant conversation. What they are looking for is someone who will be comfortable to be with, and fun to talk to. But most of all they are looking for someone who seems interested in them!

For conversational success, it's more important to be a good listener than to be a great talker.

When you are just starting out talking to a person, you can use your immediate surroundings or the weather as a basis for a few starting remarks.

If you want to know that person better, move on quickly to a slightly more personal level of discussion. Ask a few basic questions and offer a little bit of information about yourself, your likes or dislikes, or your opinion on some neutral topic. Notice whether the other person lights up with interest about any topics you mention.

This can give you new interesting areas for both of you to discuss.

Even if it seems somewhat difficult and awkward for you in the beginning, develop the habit of introducing yourself to others as soon as you meet them, or very early in the conversation. Otherwise you could spend hours talking and neither of you will have any idea of what your conversation partner's name is.

Socially confident people introduce themselves to their conversation partners very early in the course of conversation. People who are shy or socially awkward tend to introduce themselves much later, or not at all.

Shy people often wait until someone asks for their name, but they rarely volunteer to give it, and they rarely ask the other person what their name is.

Sometimes it is easier to ask the other person for their name first, and then offer your own. If you practice the new behavior enough times, it will eventually become second nature to you. With enough practice, it will no longer seem intimidating to take a more active role.

The important thing is simply to develop the habit of starting simple little conversations with lots more people. Look for the interests you have in common.

If you want to be more socially successful, take the initiative yourself. Introduce yourself to new people and get the conversational ball rolling. Don't hold back and let other people make all the first moves.

If you have been holding back, waiting for other people to do all the work in the relationship, you are shirking your responsibility in making the relationship move forward.

Show interest in other people. Smile. Listen. Look at the person you’re talking with.

Whenever you start talking to new people, don't think you have to come up with great dialogue, or the perfect opening lines. Just get started, and keep on talking. Practice making conversations with a lot of new people. You will eventually get better at it.

It's also important that you don't beat yourself up if the conversation doesn't turn into a friendship immediately.

Don't decide that you're a failure. After all, the majority of conversations between new people don't really go anywhere.

But that's all right. It takes time and effort to turn casual strangers into friends.

Remember, that all of the friends you already have were strangers to you at one point in your life. Until you started talking and found out what you have in common.

Learning how to make conversation with people you don't know well can be the first step in making many new friends.

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22 July 2007
We have all been in the situation where somebody asks us to do them, a favor and, even though there are a gazillion other things we should do first, we find it difficult to turn the other person down. The reasons vary from things like he or she has done us a favor in the past, to they are a close friend or a family member.

So we reluctantly say yes, when we really wanted to say no, but couldn’t; and so we find ourselves trapped into doing something that we really did not want to do. We can sometimes be so worried at causing disappointment in other people that we will try to please them; often at the expense of our own activities and interests.

Frankly, knowing how to say ‘no’ requires skill. Others might say that it shouldn’t be hard to do. But, let’s face it. We live as social beings and acceptance often occupies the number one spot in the list of virtues we want to achieve. Despite this, there are actually ways we can circumvent this difficulty using the following tips.

1. Say ‘no’; then show what the other person has to do to get a ‘yes’.
For example the person wants you to help clean out her garage and storage shed. You know this means you work while she is on the phone. You do not want to do that so you say “no.” Then before they can take a breath: Tell the person that they must be willing to help do the work, and anything you say is trash gets thrown away with no argument. You can add on other conditions like she is buying the pizza, and soda, and so on. Once that person agrees to your conditions then you will say yes.

2. Make it impersonal.
I always give my daughter an out, I tell her to blame me. She can say no to her friends and then tell them her dad is making her stay home that night. Other people use me as the excuse; such as my neighbors tell their friends that they can’t party there as that guy across the street will call the cops.

3. Say ‘no’ in a way that will make the other person have to say ‘no’.
Instead of saying ‘no’, teach the other person to say ‘yes’ to what you want. Do this subtly, of course. Say your friend wants to borrow your lawn mower, say yes but add the condition that they have to mow your yard first. Most people when faced with extra work will balk, and change their minds.

4. Say you want to say ‘yes’, but…
You feel like your being extorted and used. Tell the person honestly that you do not feel they should be doing that right now. Do not offer excuses; just tell them ‘no’ in a stern manner. Explain that you are not there to support them; they should learn how to support themselves.

This is especially true when loaning money. Never sacrifice your own well being, tell them you will not loan them any money until they repay the last amount, and when they do, tell them you will not loan them any money because they are not managing it well. Offer to help them manage it, or get them help if they choose, but do not continue to propagate the problem.

5. Say it nicely.
You’re giving negative news, so you might as well do it nicely. Let the other person down easy to avoid misunderstandings. It’s the least you can for the disappointed. People tend to be more accepting of bad news if it’s brought in a polite and sympathetic manner. Put the onus on them: Tell them you can see their point, but you are not going to help them do something you feel is a bad idea.

For example the neighbor’s kid wants to borrow your lawn mower so he can mow lawns to make some money. The last time you did this it came back dirty, broke and out of gas. So you explain that since he did not treat your stuff with respect he can not use it again. Thus saying no, but in a manner that causes no hard feeling towards yourself.

So to sum up: Do not ever feel guilty about saying “No”; remember it is your life and not theirs. No sense in being miserable, if saying yes makes you happy then do so; on the other hand if saying yes cause discomfort, pain and personal dissatisfaction, then say “No.”

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How can anyone be “too nice”? Isn’t being “nice” a good quality to have in a relationship?

When niceness is a sign of genuine respect, kindness and interest in another, it is a wonderful quality to have. When the “niceness” is a by-product of low self-esteem, passivity, or desperate loneliness, it can be a liability, and can make other people feel uneasy.

Have you ever met a person who never expresses their real preferences, opinions, or desires, even in the smallest matters? When someone asks them, “Where do you want to go tonight?” they reply, “I don’t care, anything is fine with me, where do you want to eat?”

A person who won’t state their opinion or preference may think they are being nice, but this is not niceness, this is a form of fearfulness, and a lack of self-respect.

Some people develop the trait of never asking for what they want because they were raised in a family where expressing wants or opinions was discouraged, or even disallowed. They may have been literally taught that they shouldn’t speak up, that they shouldn’t want anything for themselves, and that everyone else’s opinion mattered more than theirs did.

A child who grew up in a family where they weren’t allowed to express their needs or opinions, may grow up believing that this is how the whole world wants them to behave, even after they have become adults. They may find it difficult to take the initiative in any situation involving other people. They may feel uncomfortable or fearful expressing their desires. They may even feel they are being “bad” if they ask for anything.

Although they may think that being extremely passive and refusing to make decisions is their way of “being nice”, it isn’t always fun having a person who is this self-effacing as a friend.

It can be tiring for the other person in the friendship to have to make every decision just because their passive friend won’t make any. In relationships that are healthy and satisfying, both people share responsibility equally when making plans and decisions.

If you believe that being nice means never asking for anything for yourself, it’s important to learn to pay attention to your needs, to respect yourself, and to ask for what you want and need. Take your turn making decisions with others. Make your needs and preferences heard.

If you find your wishes are always being ignored, take a close look at why this is happening and see how you can change it.

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21 July 2007
Most of us aren't, but we're so used to living in a sleep deprived state that for many of us, feeling exhausted is normal. We barely notice it anymore, and we drive our exhaustion from our minds by consuming ever more cups of coffee so we can still function, sort of. How can you tell if you are getting enough sleep? The ideal amount varies from person to person, and it is not always the same.

Ask yourself: When you wake up, do you feel refreshed and ready to go? Or is your body longing for more sleep? Do you rely on a lot of coffee to get you through the day?

There are steps you can take to improve the quantity and quality of your sleep. The first step for most of us is to examine how much caffeine we consume in a day. Caffeine is a stimulant found in coffee, tea, and many types of cola. It is also present in many over-the-counter medications. Caffeine enters the bloodstream very quickly and its stimulative effect lasts several hours. If you are have a hard time getting settled down at night, it could be due at least in part to an excess of caffeine throughout the day.

If you are not getting enough good quality sleep, make the effort to cut your consumption of caffeinated beverages to just one or two cups a day, or stop drinking caffeine all together. In order to have a more restful evening, don’t drink anything caffeinated after lunch. There are plenty of beverages without caffeine that you can substitute. For most people, a cup of warm milk before bedtime will promote sleepiness.

Some of us are physically addicted to caffeine and will actually go through withdrawal symptoms if we try to cut back, or quit using it altogether. You may find that when you stop ingesting caffeine, it takes up to two weeks to get over your physical craving for it. In the meantime you may experience headaches, dizziness and insomnia.

Another factor that can disrupt your sleep patterns is consuming alcohol. Although alcohol initially can make you drowsy, it suppresses the REM stage of sleep, which appears to be essential in restoring a sense of wellbeing.

There are many other possible causes of poor sleep. If poor quality sleep is a problem for you, it will be worth the effort to become a detective and track down the cause. Often the problems of poor sleep can easily be fixed.

A poor quality mattress will lead to poor quality sleep. So will poor ventilation in your bedroom. Or too much light. Or too much noise. Or a television set.

Are you getting enough exercise? Most of us today do not move our bodies nearly as much as our bodies were designed to move. If we have an office job we are often so mentally fatigued by the time we get home that we don’t want to get off the couch. Our brains may be exhausted, but our body still needs exercise.

A lack of sufficient physical exercise will lead to poor quality sleep. However, vigorous exercise too close to bedtime can leave you too stimulated to sleep.

Here are some tips to help you sleep better:

1) Keep a regular schedule for sleeping. If you are always tired, start going to bed half an hour earlier than usual.
2) Maintain a comfortable, restful bedroom.
3) Don’t use your bed for anything other than sex and sleep.
4) Don’t have the television in your bedroom.
5) Get at least half an hour of physical exercise a day, preferably outdoors.
6) Slow down your physical and mental activities as bedtime approaches.
7) Cultivate a relaxed, calm state of mind at all times, but particularly before bedtime. Stop listening to the nightly news.
8) Avoid shift work.
9) Avoid stimulants or alcohol before bedtime.

You may, if you like... listen to these as well.

If you try all these recommendations and you still feel that you are not sleeping well, you may have a medical condition that interferes with the quality of sleep you are getting, or you may be taking medication that interferes with your sleep.

For example, if you always wake up feeling exhausted, you may be suffering from a medical condition such as fibromyalgia, or sleep apnea. If you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night, anxious and unable to sleep again, this can be caused by depression or stress.

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[Originating Article]
Do you ever feel lonely? If you do, you may spend a lot of time wondering what’s wrong with you. It may seem as if everyone else but you has lots of friends. It may seem like everyone else is always getting invited to go to exciting parties. And it may seem like you're the only one who is left at home, waiting for the phone to ring, wondering why no one ever calls you to invite you out. Actually, loneliness is much more common than you might think. There is actually an epidemic of loneliness in many societies today. This may surprise you.

After all, so many millions of us in the modern world are jammed close together in large teeming cities, and we have at hand all the technological conveniences that are supposed to bring people closer together, such as e-mail, telephones, faxes, and the Internet.

Why are so many of us more lonely than ever?

The reason is that society has changed very rapidly in the past two or three hundred years. Many of the social factors that used to make it easy to make and keep friends for a lifetime have disappeared.

Families have changed a lot in recent decades. A hundred years ago, most families were very large, with many children, aunts and uncles and cousins living close by. Family members often worked together on the farm or in a family business all day long.

Today, families have shrunk in size. Family members are now so busy with their own separate projects, they rarely see each other. Families break up more often than they used to, and it is now much more common for family members to move thousands of miles away, to new jobs, new wives, or new husbands.

In the past, people used to live in the same small community for their entire lives. They stayed in the same job for decades.

These factors made it easy to make friends and keep friends.

Today, many people change jobs every few years, and they move to new cities, and leave behind family members and friends.

And many people today are very, very busy. In many ways, modern technology has not freed us from having to work harder. It has actually had the opposite effect of making us work harder and faster just to stay in the same place.

Another factor that contributes to increased loneliness is modern entertainment and communication technology.

Before the advent of television and the Internet, people had ways of having fun together every day. Many of these primitive methods of having fun have almost disappeared in the modern world.

In the old days, people used to actually talk to each other! They would play games together. They would make music.

Now this sort of primitive entertainment only occurs during a power outage. Most people now feel lost without a TV set and computer. Even in the same family, people barely know each other.

The increase in these modern forms of communication have actually decreased other forms of human interaction.

As people spend more time on the Internet, or with their text messaging, or playing games on computers, they are spending far less time actually interacting with the people around them. It has become a lot easier for people to cocoon themselves in their homes, and never see anyone.

Many people are actually spending less time developing their social skills while they may be vastly improving their computer skills.

In the modern world it seems almost everyone is pressed for time. We are often far too busy at work to develop friendships, and when we come home exhausted at the end of the day, we are too tired to make plans to socialize.

Some of us live in neighborhoods where it isn’t really safe to go out after dark. It becomes all too easy to eat a quick supper and spend our evening hours mentally decompressing in front of the television set or computer.

Loneliness is a bigger problem for more people today than at any previous time in history. The truly ironic fact about loneliness is that if you are lonely, you are not alone!

Still, even if you have been lonely in the past, and even if you feel lonely today, it is possible to make new friends in this modern world.

If you have been suffering from loneliness, it’s time to stop blaming yourself, and it’s time to stop blaming the rest of the world. It’s time to do something to solve the problem of loneliness.

How to Deal With Lonelyness: [Credit]

  1. Realize that we all get lonely. It doesn't mean there is
    anything wrong with you or that you have to stay lonely. We're
    particularly prone to loneliness when we're making transitions,
    especially for the better. If you're changing, such as exploring
    new alternatives and paths for yourself, you're bound to get a
    little lonely as you look for people who share your new interests
    and thoughts.

  2. Call or get together with the people you know, even if they
    aren't who you want to be with right now. Human contact makes more
    contact easier. This includes your mother and the guy at the deli
    counter. Talk until the feeling eases. Make as many calls as
    necessary.

  3. Get involved in anything where you will meet people. If you are
    very shy, find a group for social anxiety, even if it has to be
    online (obviously it's better if it's not). Look on places like
    Craig's List for activities in your area. Volunteering can
    help.

  4. Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social
    relationships whenever you can. YOU ask the person if they want to
    chat, get a coffee, whatever. Remember how much you like it when
    people are attracted to you.

  5. Take risks about revealing yourself. Say what's on your mind,
    if it seems at all likely the other person will be receptive. It
    can hurt when it backfires, but it's worth it a million times over
    when it works out.

  6. Befriend someone lonelier than you are. This will not be the
    last friend you make.

  7. Remember that we are all alone inside our heads; we are born
    and die alone; it's nothing special. Every person who has ever
    lived has been lonely. Love wouldn't exist without loneliness to
    inspire it. Look at your loneliness with detachment.

  8. Notice the difference between loneliness and solitude. Imagine
    this is the last day you will ever be alone. What would you
    do?

  9. Join an online community, sometimes, it can help.

  10. When feeling lonely, don't allow yourself to bask in your
    loneliness. Do something, anything! Take a walk, ride your
    bike.



You can make new friends and have the social life you dream of. To have more friends you will have to learn new techniques of socializing and making conversation. You will have to make the effort to meet many more new people.

If you learn the secrets of those people who make friends easily, and implement these techniques into your life, you too can have a happy social life.

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