Almost everybody feels shy at one time or another.In fact, only about 7% of the population claims that they never feel shy. For the rest of us, shyness can range from being an occasional, minor inconvenience, to being a major problem.

Some people are afflicted with a degree of shyness so severe that it is almost disabling. This type of acute shyness is not only very painful to experience, but it can have devastating effects on a person’s social life, happiness, and career.

Severe shyness is a complex mix of biology, upbringing, traumatic experiences, and negative self-talk. Severe shyness can co-exist with other debilitating psychological conditions such as low self-esteem, perfectionism, depression and anxiety.

Extreme shyness can take many forms, and can show up differently in different people. Some very shy people have problems being in large gatherings, yet they may feel comfortable in small groups. Some shy people only feel acute discomfort with persons they have just met, while others are never comfortable around people, even those they have known a long time.

People who suffer from severe shyness often end up very lonely, may never marry, and have few friends. Psychiatrists and psychologists use the term "social anxiety disorder" to describe extremely debilitating shyness. There isn’t complete agreement about whether severe, disabling social anxiety disorder is simply a more severe type of shyness, or whether it is another type of disorder altogether.

Getting over your Shyness
Some very shy people are able to overcome their fears by learning better social skills and practicing them frequently in social situations. Many also find it useful to gain some measure of control over their uncomfortable physical reactions such as sweating and trembling, by using special relaxation techniques and bio-feedback training.

One way that many people who are very shy choose to deal with their social anxiety is to simply avoid any social situations that might trigger their discomfort. This may mean turning down invitations to parties and other social events, crossing the street in order to avoid running into someone they know, and even turning down promotions at work.

Although avoiding the feared situation may seem to the shy person like the perfect solution, it actually makes the problem worse in the long run. Every time a shy person chooses to avoid social interaction, he reinforces in his mind how much he fears dealing with other people. By choosing the short-term benefit of avoiding his anxious feelings, he reinforces the power that his fear holds over him

Psychologists who specialize in the treatment of shyness disorders have discovered that avoiding social situations can actually make the problem worse. Many psychologists who treat people aflicted by shyness recommend a program of repeated and gradually increasing exposure to the feared situation, combined with helping the client learn new ways of thinking.

In some cases, certain prescription medications can help control the feelings of extreme anxiety that they experience when they are around others.

If your shyness is very severe, you can benefit from seeing a therapist who has proven effectiveness in successfully treating shyness. Not all forms of psychotherapy have been proven effective in treating shyness.

Those forms of therapy where the patient relives past traumas and digs deeply into past relationships are not particularly helpful for overcoming shyness.

The types of therapy that seem to have the best track record for overcoming shyness are cognitive therapy and behavioral therapy.

Both of these types of therapy concentrate on dealing with the present, and teaching the patient new ways of thinking and behaving when they are around others.

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Do you ever have trouble making conversation with others even though you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? If so, you may wonder why you are so poor at making conversation with others, even though you are very smart, and know a lot of interesting things. The truth is that many average people with average intelligence and average interests are much better at making small talk and have better social skills than people who are very intelligent. And many people who are very intelligent are extremely poor at making small talk conversation and may have poor social skills.

Why should this be?

1.) They may be perfectionists. These people may have very high expectations of themselves about everything they do. When they think they have failed at anything, they judge themselves very harshly. If they think they are failing at small talk, they just get even more nervous and tongue tied. Their harsh self judgment makes them so anxious that they cannot relax and simply enjoy being with other people.

2.) People who are very smart may have spent most of their life trying to become very intellectually developed, but sometimes they neglect to develop their social and emotional side. They may feel that developing their social and emotional side is not very important, or they may feel that it is too late to try learn these new difficult skills.

3. ) They may be very serious people and believe that they should only spend their time thinking about serious matters and talking about serious matters. They may believe that talking about unimportant things is a waste of time. This makes them get bored very quickly with small talk that doesn’t seem to lead anywhere.

4. ) In some cases, people who are smarter than average actually feel superior to others and believe they should not have to waste their time with average people having average conversations. They may really truly be snobs at heart.

5. ) Many very intelligent people suffer from extreme shyness or from poor self esteem. This may cause them to feel that they have nothing interesting or worthwhile to contribute to a conversation.

6. ) Some very intelligent people, particularly those who are strong in achedemics may have a condition called 'Asperger’s syndrome'. (Cite: Video/Wiki) This condition which is believed to be related to autism. Often, the person who has some degree of Asperger’s is extremely good at focusing on a scientific topic, but is unable to understand the kinds of social interactions that most other people take for granted. People with Asperger’s may talk in a rigid, mechanical way, and be uninterested in other people’s emotional lives.

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